Ego is The Mortal Wound in Your Leadership

We have all, at some point in our lives, had the unfortunate experience of working with a boss who has a big ego. About five years ago I worked on a project with a chief operating officer of a global company and she was totally in love with her ego.

She consistently told me how great she was. I remember the stories now, ranging from her exceptional performance at school, to becoming a ‘big player’ in the business world. According to her, she had done it all… perfectly… every time.

The thing is, she is not the only one… If we are honest, finding a manager or leader with a big ego is not a rare occurrence. In fact you can probably think of a leader in your life who has a massive ego. Or even worse… maybe, just maybe, someone reading this would think of you?

“Our ego hinders our ability to influence more than anything else under our control. Ego is the biggest reason leaders fail.”

Michael McKinney

When a leader’s ego grows to the point were they believe they always have the right answer… a leader will fail.

When a leader’s opinion matters more than their follower’s opinions… a leader will fail.

When a leader stops listening and stop learning… a leader will fail.

When a leader surrounds themselves with people who continually confirm and conform to their will and pander to their self-worth… a leader will fail.

Ego is the mortal wound of leadership. It distracts you from the foundational truth of leadership… The best leaders in the world, bring out the best in other people.

How can we ensure our ego doesn’t get in the way of being a great leader?

Ego isn’t a real thing. It is just an idea. An idea of who we think we are and who we believe we are.

This idea tells us:

“Who I am is what I have.”
“Who I am is what I have done.”
“Who I am is what other people think of me.”
“Who I am is how much stuff I own and how much that stuff is worth.”

An ego, in the simplest of terms, believes that it is separate from everything else and in competition with everything else.

As leaders we need to be aware of our own ego and evolve it, so we become great leaders that serve our followers.

The three levels of ego evolution

Dr. Wayne Dyre, explained that there are three stages of ego evolution in adulthood and I think these have clear links to leadership.

The Athletic.

23119634This is based on “What you look like, is what you are”. It is simply a narcissistic view on life. It is about looking good, rather than doing good.

You will see this in leaders that will attempt to take the credit for other peoples’ ideas and work, in order for them to be seen in a positive light. You will hear these type of leaders continually discredit other people too. This is to make others look bad, in order to elevate their own status.

It is clear that possessing this type of ego will detrimentally effect your leadership. It will erode trust, loyalty, respect and authenticity. All of which, I hope you agree, are critical to leadership.

The Warrior

Guild-Wars-2-WarriorIn my experience, this is the most common version of ego you will find in leaders. This is all about being the best. It is about competing, fighting and being the number one.

In moderation, this can be beneficial to leadership. But when it grows into a self-fulfilling, ever growing and unstoppable ego, then it becomes disastrous.

Believing you are always right and surrounding yourself with only people who say you are right, is frighteningly bad leadership.

Logically, how can any one person be smarter, better and more intelligent than a whole team of people? The simple answer is they can’t. Yet with a warrior ego, a leader won’t listen to others’ opinions. They will lose engagement, value and commitment from their teams.

The Statesman

This evolves from ‘What can I get’ that you find in the first two stages, to a ‘How can I serve?’ focus.

What-is-servant-leadership-ghandi-help-others-1024x576At this stage a leader understands that they are connected to their teams and followers. Their success is the growth and development of their people.

As a servant, a leader will gain: Trust, loyalty, respect, authenticity, engagement, value and commitment from their followers.

They will also instantly tap into the collective mind-power and ideas of the whole team, which the Statesman leader, understands is far greater than their own individual intelligence.

Why does leadership fail?

An Athletic or Warrior ego is the most common reason why leaders fail.

What level of ego evolution do you live and work at?

Are you in it to look good? Are you in it to be the number one, have lots of power and make all the decisions?

Or are you in it to serve those around you? To create the environment for people to flourish and grow?

If your friends don’t push you, they limit you.

I believe that to reach our full potential and allow others to reach theirs, we need to be able to raise our standards and rise to challenges faster than ever before. To become the best version of ourselves, we need to surround ourselves with people who push us hard.

This is a short video that shares my philosophy on how why we should all be pushy friends:

When Will You Decide To Become Great?

Everyday we get a little bit older. Everyday we lose another day of our future.

If we carry on doing the same  things as we did yesterday, in five years time we will still be in the same place we are right now.

Or, if you decide to, you can change your life for the better. It starts with making a commitment: “Fulfilment or nothing”.

Once you have made this commitment, you can then start climbing towards a successful and fulfilled life. You can stop taking the path of least resistance. You can stop doing the things that don’t bring you happiness. Instead, you can take the high road. Instead, you can take the road towards your destiny.

When you decide to commit to fulfilment, you will find yourself climbing higher and higher. You will become stronger, you will become the person you want to be, you will become the best version of you.

“The quality of a person’s life is in direct proportion to their commitment to excellence. Regardless of their chosen field of endeavour”

Vince Lombardi

So I urge you… Climb a little higher everyday. Climb just 1% higher and I promise you when you do this, every night before you go to sleep, you will be able to say “I did something great today”.

Please don’t misunderstand me, climbing to fulfilment won’t just be sunshine and rainbows. It will be hard, it will be scary, you will feel fear and on occasion heartache too.

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But if you keep on taking action everyday, you will learn from every hardship, from every disappointment and from every time you felt scared.

These moments will make you stronger. These moments prepare you for your destiny.

These moments are all worth it because when you commit to fulfilment, you will feel abundance, joy and ecstasy that is beyond words. Your life will take on a whole new level of success, happiness and fulfilment, just by climbing each day… even when it’s tough.

You will know the difficulties were worth it. You will know that you are worth it. You will know that you created your fulfilment. That you created your destiny.

You are the only problem you will ever have and you are your only solution.

It’s not your family.
It’s not your friends.
It’s not your job.
It’s not your boss, your circumstances or your luck.

It’s up to you.

Anything is possible when you know it is up to you.

What I learnt about life from 50 heart attack victims

Who are you?

This is such a simple question, but also equally difficult to answer well.

Most of us will be able to muster up a few answers, such as our name or maybe some of the roles in life we play, such as, mother, father, manager, leader…

Does that answer the question properly though? We are all more than a name, a job or a role, aren’t we?

What is the meaning of you? What do you stand for? What is your purpose? What do you give? What makes you magic?

Some people go searching for their life purpose, they will travel the world in an effort to ‘find themselves’. It is more common to find those people who ignore the idea that they have a purpose and just try to get through life as uneventfully as they can.

The truth is you don’t have to travel the world to work out who you are. That understanding is within you always. To fully discover it, you have to be prepared to ask yourself some challenging and deep questions… then be brave enough to answer!

Trying to ignore your purpose is a very dangerous activity. You can spend a lifetime suppressing yourself. You can spend a lifetime surviving rather than thriving, but the brutal truth is that at some point you will realise that failing to strive towards your purpose was the biggest mistake you ever made. This point, in most people’s lives, is when it is to late.

I know this to be true because I have been fortunate enough to learn from people who thought it was too late, who literally thought they were about to die. I interviewed over 50 people who had recently been a victim of a heart attack.

I asked them about life. What they thought about as they felt they were about to die. How did they rate their lives? What was the meaning of their life? 

Three themes kept on reoccurring in their answers that had a profound effect on my life. I would like to share them with you:

Enjoy Life

Enjoying the SilenceThe most commonly described factor was a wish that they had enjoyed life more, enjoyed the present moment more. They wished they had spent less time being distracted by a past they couldn’t do anything about or a future which is undetermined. It was unanimous that being fully present and take pleasure in the everyday moments would have vastly improved the quality of their lives.

One of the interviewees articulated it quite brilliantly “The present moment is all we truly and genuinely have. It is wonderful and glorious, yet I spent my time focused on the intangibles of the past and future. I missed the only thing I ever truly had.”

If you feel you are trapped in the past or future and are failing to truly savour the magic of right now, ask yourself:

  • What am I grateful for right now?
  • What needs to happen for me to enjoy this moment right now?
  • What activity can I do everyday which will actively enable me to give my absolutely focus on the present moment?

Deep Connection

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“I wish I had told (name of loved one) that I loved them more” That is one of the key things you will think in your last moments, according to those who believed they were about to die. 

Our world is not about individualism, it’s not about making sure we are okay and forget everyone else. It’s about connection with those around us.

The research suggests this belief system shouldn’t just be limited to your nearest and dearest either, as data shows us, that those people who pro-actively project love, joy, friendship and happiness to all they meet, have a greater sense of personal purpose and feel more loved, joyful, friendly and happy!

The key message I received from this, is about what we give to others. It is blindingly obvious that we need connection. What is less obvious, is that we shouldn’t be so protective over it! Most people wouldn’t dream of giving love, joy and happiness to everyone and for free. This is most likely because we are afraid of getting hurt. The realisation from these interviews is that it is ultimately more painful if we don’t!

In simple terms, the only way you can feel true, authentic and unlimited love is by giving love, freely and joyfully.

The only way you can feel joy is by giving joy.

The only way you can connect deeply with anyone, is by giving the feelings of deep connection away.

Yes, the cynics are right, there is a downside. The odd person might trample on that love you gave away, but don’t let that one person ruin your purpose lead life! The facts are 99% of people in your world will be grateful for the connection and give back those feelings two fold!

If you want to develop connection in your life, ask yourself:

  • How can I make someone feel valued and special today?
  • What do I need to do to make (loved ones name) feel totally and completely loved?
  • What are the feelings I will gain if I show love, joy and affection to all that I meet today?

Contribution

 

The final theme that came out loud and clear, was that in your last moments you will ask “did I even matter?” or “did I make a difference?”.

Delving deeper, this demonstrates clear links to influencing others’ lives in a positive way.

“The reason for living is giving”

Tony Robbins

We all know inherently that the feeling when helping others is fabulous and fulfilling… The problem my interviewees had was that it’s a tough world out there and we had to look after and protect ourselves. Helping others was always second or third on the agenda.

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However it is clear this is not the way to live our lives! Every single person I interviewed wished, in those final moments, that they had contributed more. I think it is safe to say in our last moments we will ask the same, we will wish we had made a difference in others’ lives. If this is true… maybe, just maybe supporting others is looking after ourselves!

Maybe the fact is we all have a purpose to offer this world and those that don’t give the world all they can, regret it.

My advice… don’t have regrets, live to your potential.

Do you feel you could contribute more? Ask yourself:

  • What do I love doing?
  • How can I do this and create benefits to others?
  • What skill or knowledge do I have right now that could improve someones life today?

Putting it all to together

The question I asked at the start of this post was “who are you?” It is a big question and you have some big answers inside. At the end of our lives we will all ask:

Did we really live our lives?

Did we connect deeply with those around us?

Did we make a difference?

Don’t wait until the end of your life to find out how you would answer them. Make sure your answers are the ones you will be proud of!

4 strategies to bounce back from failure

This is a video I have created,  about some of the strategies I have used when I feel negative, rejected or a down right failure!

These approaches and techniques have been critical in enabling me to pick myself up, dust myself off and get back to fighting for my goals… Quickly and powerfully!

Hopefully, this advice can help you if you ever feel low:

Your team can perform better than you. No matter how smart you think you are.

I was fortunate to consult with a company recently which, over the last few years, made some bad decisions that had unfortunately produced poor results.

In fact, these decisions resulted in lower sales performances, lower profit conversion, lower team engagement and lower customer service standards than at any point in their history.

Yet, when I reviewed this with the directors of the company, they never challenged the ideas of Managing Director. The whole senior leadership team created a list of blame factors that resulted in underperformance. However, non of these factors implicated the MD’s or their bad decisions.

 

This culture had also spread like a contagious disease through every level of the company. Everyone agreed and complied with their manager, without question or genuine challenge.

Isaac-Cordal-Street-Art-artistFor anyone looking at this company from the outside, it was obvious that generating this culture became a devastating illness. The people within the company lost their voice, therefore lost their engagement, which ultimately resulted in significantly lower performance.

 

 

Not one person is brighter, smarter or more aware, than a team of people who are all working towards the same goal and who are able to challenge for the common good.

“What great individuals cannot accomplish on their own, can be achieved by a high performance team”

Phil Bryson

A “Yes” culture should be avoided at all costs… It will erode your teams performance, sometimes forever. I had the opportunity to share a story, with this MD, about how I had encountered a “Yes” culture in my career, which allowed him to think a little differently.

I would like to share this story with you now, maybe it will make you think differently about your leadership situation.

About fifteen years ago I secured a leadership role in an exciting brand, but the team that I inherited had previously worked in a culture of saying “Yes” to their leader without question or input.

They didn’t think for themselves and they expected to be told what to do, all of the time.

This created a massive problem for me. I was new to the company and I didn’t have the knowledge of the intricate workings of the business.

Therefore I had two options:

A. Learn everything in the business really quickly, then create brilliant ideas on how to perform better and then tell my team what to do… step by step.

B. Assume that my team, on the whole, had the capability and knowledge to perform, (as they had performed well over the previous two years) then trust and empower them.

I decided to go for option B.

Firstly I replaced the ‘To-do’ lists with a team vision. I explained to my team how we would be in the future and what we would achieve in the future. I made it bright, I made it bold and I made it something that I personally believed in.

I then asked my team “How should we achieve this vision?”. Rather than telling my team what to do, step by step, I instead gave an intention on our destination.

Our team vision became to deliver world-class customer service. My team then told me how we would achieve this.

My team changed from a group of people who waited to be told what to do, to a team of people who decided what to do for the best interests of the vision. The ownership of decision making switched to them.

Once my team took the ownership, they started thinking for themselves, they became more engaged, they felt more valued and they became more productive.

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Then the obvious happened…

My team were a group of two hundred capable people, who were focused, connected to each other and acted as decision makers.

The other teams in the company had one leader telling two hundred people what to do and when.

It doesn’t matter how creative, intelligent and smart the other leaders were. My team was two hundred times more creative, motivated, pro-active and intelligent… My team became unstoppable!

My team then out-performed every other team on every measure within the company – We had the best customer experience scores ever, the highest engagement scores and grew year-on-year profit more than any other team in the company. Ever.

The lesson I learnt was that a leader’s job is to move the decision making to where it needs to be… and that is never just with one person while everyone else follows without question.

Leadership is not about commanding and controlling followers – Leadership is about giving control and creating leaders.

Success Without Fulfilment is Failure

Most of us will follow a script of what we think we should do. The problem is, this script probably hasn’t been written by you.

We often find that our script for life has been written by society, well-meaning parents and the constant barrage of marketing, that is stuffed down our throats informing us what a successful life is. (This of course will include purchasing the particular product they are selling!).

This doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t follow this script, if this is what you truly want out of life. However if the script you’re living isn’t linked to your passion, values and purpose then you will be more prone to negative outcomes such as stress, depression and a feeling of emptiness.

“Success based on anything but internal fulfilment is bound to be empty”

Dr. Martha Friedman

To prove the point, take a moment to think of your life. Have you ever chased a goal that you thought would make you successful? Then once you achieved that goal and the initial excitement dispersed, you were left feeling empty inside asking ‘is this it?’

That is you chasing something that you have been told is success, rather than following your own script.

We all have the opportunity to work out our own script, if we take some time and space for ourselves and ask the following questions:

‘Where am I in my life today?’

‘Where do I want to go?’

‘What will make my life exceptional, magnificent and completely fulfilled?’

When we give ourselves the time to ask ourselves these simple, but deep questions, we will often see a distinct difference in the goals we have and the goals we want.

Please take a moment to think about the questions above. You will probably discover that the answers describe feelings, beliefs and values.

If there is a secret, then this is it! What we are all seeking is a specific set of feelings, that are as unique and as special as the individual you are.

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The problem with following a life script, that is designed by the media and popular culture, is that it focuses on false success measures. We blindly hope that chasing what we are told to, will bring the feelings of fulfilment, success and joy that we desire so much.

The truth is achievement of a false goal will rarely bring fulfilment. That is what happened to me. I spent a long time believing the script we are told… that I would be happy if I had that next job, if I had a certain amount of money, if I won that award.

I achieved all of those goals and when I did I realised it hadn’t made me happy. In fact it made what was missing in my life even more apparent and obvious.

I implore you not to make the same mistake I did. It is never too late to seek fulfilment, so no matter what is happening in your life right now, no matter how far down a road you have gone… you can change your future. You can live life on your terms and be successful and fulfilled.

Your past does not define your future. Your actions right now do.

I changed my life. What I have found is that this is very personal and feels extremely vulnerable. But it is the most amazing thing that will ever happen when you do it.

Take some time and give some space to you. Take a look inside and ask some deep questions… What is my gift? What is my purpose? What is my destiny? How can I contribute more?

When I asked these questions, I discovered that what lights me up is creating an environment that allows those around me to think differently and the opportunity to reach their potential. I believe that everyone is capable of amazing things. I just want to help anyone who wants support to achieve that.

I now live everyday focused on this goal and I have never been happier or more fulfilled. If I can do it, then you can too. Have faith in you.

The harsh truth is success without fulfilment is failure.

Everyone at some-point discovers this. Take action on your personal fulfilment now, become the person you want to be.

Discover that seeking fulfilment creates success.

Why You Should Change Who You Spend Your Time With

I believe that to reach our full potential we need to surround ourselves with people who raise our standards and challenge us to become the best version of ourselves… Who do you surround yourself with?

This is a YouTube show full of motivation, inspiration and high performance for those who want to develop leadership and make the changes in your life that allow you to live a fulfilled, exceptional life!

How Small Talk is Big Talk

Over the last few months, I have been researching a lot of books and literature about the different levels we interact at and the common consensus is we work and communicate on five levels, which are all equally important.

Re-charge – Relaxing and reflecting, this is normally conducted by ourselves and is about mentally refreshing.

Chit-chat – Basic social interactions about trivial matters.

Deep 1-1 conversations – Being fully present, emotionally and intellectually engaged with someone who shares similar values.

Multi-tasking– Focusing on a number of tasks at a given time (you probably spend a lot of time in this zone whilst working!)

Flow – One subject, with deep focus and attention. 

While conducting this research, I realised I have a problem with one of these levels.
My problem was with small talk… Chit-chat… Gossip… Tittle-tattel… those conversations that are conducted socially and are usually about superficial matters.

I personally have found these types of conversations the hardest to give my full self too. I think that is because until discovering their importance I held them in low esteem. I felt this type of interaction held little value or worth and therefore would try to skip the small talk and get onto deeper, more meaningful topics.

What I have learnt since is that chit-chat is vital for building relationships and trust… The idea of discussing in depth subjects with someone you haven’t had even a small connection with previously is a big turn-off for most people.

For me this meant that I rarely had deep and meaningful conversations with many people because I tried to jump right into them, without first connecting on a more surface level. Therefore the impact I had on many people was that I was either a bit intense or just plain weird.

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The fact of the matter is, small talk is easy. You won’t go too far wrong if you pay genuine attention, listen well and ask clarifying questions. We can all do it. It’s just that some of us undervalue this level of communication because of the appearance of its lacking depth.

The best analogy I have been told about small talk is to view it like trying on a relationship. Just like you would try on clothes in a store. Small talk is a risk free environment where you can assess each other in a non-threatening or judging way, to see if you have rapport and get along.

If you do, then the deeper more meaningful conversations will follow… If you don’t, both parties can remain at this slightly superficial level with no harm done to anyones feelings.

If you want the big talk, the meaningful talk, then pay attention to the small talk, it is the doorway to deep, authentic connection.

What do great Leaders actually do?

Leadership is one of the most complex and commonly debated topics in the business and management world today. Everyone has an opinion on what makes leadership and everyone will defend these opinions fiercely.

The fact is, leadership is highly desirable. We all know true leadership can change businesses, industries and the world.

The problem is we can’t all agree on what makes a great leader. The best leaders in the world, any leader for that matter, are all different and that is why we find it so hard to formalise what a leader should do.

Formula for SuccessI think the reason we find it so hard to formalise leadership is because it is not about the leader. Instead it is all about followers.

Followers choose to follow… they cannot be told or forced… They choose.

A leader only becomes a leader if they have followers who have chosen to do so. Without followers, you are not a leader. This is why leadership doesn’t have strict rules or a formula.

Different followers will follow different types of leaders, so the only thing you can do, is be the best version of yourself and if followers choose to follow, then you are a leader…

 

What do followers want?

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I can only answer this question from my own point of view and I am keen to learn what YOU think, so please comment below! Here are five attributes that I believe the very best leaders display in abundance:

Purpose

The best leaders I have ever worked with had a clear personal purpose or vision of who they were and what they stood for. They communicated this purpose as often as possible. If the leader had a purpose that linked closely with my values and beliefs, then I would instantly feel a deep connection and follow this leader with my heart and soul.

Enlist

A leader I know and one I am inspired by, is brilliant at recruiting people who shared the same values and beliefs as he did. As a follower this was a fantastic experience. Being a part of a team who all had a common goal, not because they were told to, but because they wanted to created a huge amount of energy, passion and creativity. I can honestly say that a leader who surrounds themselves with the people who believe in their vision, pushed my performance and results higher than I could have imagined at the time.

Walk the talk

Simon Sinek articulated this beautifully when he described ‘The celery test’ in his book ‘Start with why’. Those leaders who walk the talk, who stand up for their values and will never compromise on those values to get a quick result. These are the type of leaders I love working for, I know they are authentic and I know they will have my back. As a follower I feel trusted, so I give all of my trust freely to them.
Trust – The best leaders I have ever followed have always ensured that I had the skills and capability to do the task in hand and then allowed me to complete that task in my own way. In simple terms they trained, coached, supported and allowed autonomy. The power of supporting people when they need skills and capability and getting out of the way of those same people to allow creativity and ownership is significant. As a follower I don’t want to feel out of my depth and unsupported, yet I also don’t want to feel as though I am being dictated to or controlled. The leaders that have found that balance, I have followed most passionately.

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Encourage and Value

A really simple idea. As a follower I like to know that I am adding value, doing a good job and my behaviours are positive. These factors, being rewarded with encouragement and praise, really boost my confidence and drive me to perform even better. However as a follower this needs to be conducted in an authentic and personal way to get the best out of me, so by that I mean it is not about incentives and bonuses… Don’t get me wrong more money and prizes were nice, but they never made me work harder or inspired me like genuine encouragement would.

Those were the five attributes that I believe the very best leaders display in abundance, what do you think should be in this list? Please comment below! 

How to deal with really annoying people!

Earlier this week, I spent time with two perfectly pleasant individuals who, on the surface appeared to really dislike each other. No matter what they discussed, it always seemed to finish in a disagreement and sometimes they disagreed before the discussion started!

Upon reviewing this with them both individually, they said that they found the other person really difficult, challenging and stubborn.

This reminded me of the times I have found certain people in my life particularly challenging, rude and sometimes obnoxious. We all have these people in our lives, even now someone has popped into your head while reading this!

What we normally do with these people is either to fight fire with fire, defending our cause to the death and reflecting the rude behaviour they showed. Or we retract inwardly, making our interactions the minimum they have to be.

It may come as a surprise, but I have discovered neither is a good strategy!

A few years ago, I decided this had to change, that I had to change. I did lots of research and I interviewed people who are saintly when interacting with others. Here is what I have learnt and maybe these approaches can help you deal with that really annoying person in your life:

1. Understand what a difficult person is.

perspective

In its simplest terms, this will be a person who has a different perception or perspective than you and will communicate that in a way that pokes at your value system.

For example, if a key value you hold is respectfulness and you believe that the way to demonstrate respect is listening to the other person without interruption – then you find that someone who continually interrupts you with disagreements to your perspective, you are highly likely going to find that person difficult to deal with.

So with that in mind, it is important to appreciate the fact that other people can have a different perspective than you AND YOU CAN BOTH BE RIGHT.

2. Ask “What is going on in their world at the moment?”

The overwhelming majority of people will see themselves as ‘the good guys’ and do not deliberately spend their lives trying to be a difficult, obnoxious person! The reality is that there will normally be an external stress or pressure somewhere in that person’s life to cause the bad behaviour. Except this and you can easily stop taking their actions as a personal attack.

One particular example of this has stuck with me. I once opened a door to get into a building and a woman walking the other way barged past me without a word. I was offended by this rude behaviour instantly and sarcastically shouted “Thank you” in her general direction. I later found out that she had just been told that her son had been in a serious car accident and was rushing to the hospital to find out if he was okay. Who was the difficult and obnoxious person?

3. Ask “What does this person need?”

As described above, bad behaviour is rarely a hobby for people, so understanding that the difficult person you are dealing with will need something in that moment is important. Do they need a break from the discussion? Do they need to be listened to? Or maybe they need encouragement?

4. Listen to understand… Don’t listen to defend!

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Listening to defend is letting the other person speak, just so you can gather more information to argue your point! This is literally useless and will not improve the relationship one bit!

It is common sense that understanding others point of view is critical in building relationships, rapport, gaining trust and creating a collaborative working relationship. Common sense is sometimes just not common practice. The key factor here is to take accountability to understand them first, don’t expect them to listen to you first.

5. Clearly communicate your own perspective.

Again this sounds obvious, but this is a common mistake.We assume everyone knows what we know and see what we see.

Don’t assume they see ANYTHING the same as you – people are not mind readers, don’t expect them to be.

I remember a time that I had an argument with my then girlfriend about the colour we should paint the bathroom (Yes -really). Anyway just based on the fact that we were stood in different places in the room, we couldn’t agree on the colour. We literally had a fight about this until I stood in the same place and she was, then I realised that the colour I liked looked awful when the light hit it a certain way!

I assumed she could see the same as what I could see… Never assume!

I hope you enjoyed this post and it help’s you in your relationships with those difficult, annoying people in your life! Remember it’s only fair to share, so please share this post!!