There is a secret science to talent… want to know it?

The highest performers in the world have loads of it…

The rest of us… significantly less…

But you CAN have it, there is a science to what we call talent & it is not what you think:

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Advice from over 300 leaders, in over 30 separate sections, so you can just pick-up and read the advice you need, when you need it… without having to read the whole book!

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Click here to learn more about the examples I discuss in the video

 

How to make a positive impact on everyone you meet

I always used to get very anxious about wanting to make a good impression with everyone I met.

My anxiety made me nervous, sleepless and stopped me being my natural self.

Then I learnt about the tactics I share in this video… They REALLY helped me and maybe they can help you improve your impact with others also (even if your don’t suffer from anxiety)

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Expert advice from over 300 leaders across the globe. An essential buy for new leaders everywhere.  BUY IT HERE NOW

The uncomfortable (but powerful) truth of being able to show vulnerability

When we see vulnerability in others, we are drawn to it… we support it and we even follow it.

Yet when we think of showing vulnerability ourselves, we shudder at the thought. We believe it makes us weak.

Being able to be vulnerable has real power… in life and leadership… here is why (inspired by Brene Brown):

 

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Feel Trapped? It’s time to get out…!

I speak to so many people who say they feel trapped in the life they currently lead.

They feel they can’t improve their lives or have big dreams because they are stuck.

Stuck in their environment, stuck with their circumstances, stuck with Okay.

Here are my thoughts on that:

 

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Expert advice from over 300 leaders across the globe. An essential buy for new leaders everywhere.  BUY IT HERE NOW

The uncomfortable truth of why some people in your team have a bad attitude.

So often I hear managers tell me that “they need to get rid of the people with a bad attitude”

It is also common to have entire business’s tell people “they need to get on the bus”

It is so easy to blame the attitude of our team and our employee’s on them… THEY need to change, THEY have the bad attitude…

As leaders, we need to think differently… we need to ask WHY and then create solutions:

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Simply the best leadership book for those people progressing into their first leadership role.

Advice from over 300 leaders, in over 30 separate sections, so you can just pick-up and read the advice you need, when you need it… without having to read the whole book!

BUY IT HERE NOW!

How To Deal with jealousy

I once knew this man who got jealous of his work colleagues every time they were rewarded, recognised, given extra responsibility or promoted.

Oh who am I kidding… that man was me.

I don’t know why, but at the time jealousy burned me up all of the time.

The problem is jealousy is an nasty creature – even when you try to hide it from others, it negatively impacts those around you.  

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Now I know you are probably not as bad as I was… but if you look closely you will likely find a hint of jealousy inside you about someone at work.

Does someone always get the credit? Who is that blue-eyed boy or girl that can’t do any wrong? I mean, you work just as hard as they do… probably harder… why aren’t you seen like they are?

Jealousy is a horrid thing, it creeps up on us and it serves NOBODY… especially not you.

Here is how to rid it from your life:

It’s not jealousy, it’s fear

Fear has lots of different disguises and jealousy is one of its favourites. In this form it will either be one of two things:

Personal insecurity or unfair comparison.

Either way it boils down to a fear that you are not good enough. Comparing yourself to others can be useful to measure progress, but when it is used to decide if you are worthy, it is venom.

Once you understand and take accountability that jealousy is really your fear, then you can identify what you are fearful of. Don’t avoid it… fear feeds off that.

Instead identify it and start making small steps to shrink it. The bottom line is that fear will always play a part in your life – how you respond is what defines you – will you let fear cause you pain or will you take responsibility and ensure you take your fears head on?

You deserve some credit… From yourself!

Do you give yourself credit for how amazing you are?

Take a moment to look back through your life… all the challenges, disappointments, successes and compliments… you have got through the tough times and you have created some good times.

That deserves some credit – That deserves some appreciation. Give yourself the recognition you deserve.

You are stronger than you realise. Promise-Me-Youll-Always-Rememeber-That-Youre-Braver-Than-You-Believe-Stronger-Than-You-Seem-Smarter-Than-You-Think-Winnie-the-Pooh-Quote

When you give yourself permission to look back on your life and acknowledge how much you have been through and how special you truly are, then you will begin to worry less about others perceived achievements because you know you have achieved amazing things too.

Give genuine best wishes to all

Life is not about being better than anyone else… Life about being the best version of you.

Focus on development, focus on growth, focus on learning from others. When you do this you realise that you can learn from everyone and everything – and while you are learning you are getting better, which in turn gets you one step closer to being the best version of you.

The best version of you isn’t in competition with others – the best version of you wants everyone to do well. If someone gets a promotion over you… the best you would wish that person well and want to learn from them – not feel angry, jealous and sour inside.

You might think that this isn’t possible, because some people just don’t deserve success… I ask you, who is jealousy serving?

Does it make you feel good?
Does it stop the target of your jealousy?

Jealousy is like drinking poison and then hoping your enemy will die… It just doesn’t work!

You know that being happy for others and focusing your energy on personal growth is the better way forward – choose it.

Putting it all together

Jealousy is an ugly, hurtful feeling… which only effects you.

Look under the skin of jealousy and you will find fear and vulnerability – Identify this, accept this and face this. You can beat fear this way.

Also give yourself some well-earned credit – you have been through a lot and you are still going strong!

Finally, switch your focus from “they don’t deserve” to a “I must improve” mentality…

The ONLY thing you have in your control is your emotions, thoughts and actions… use them to benefit you, not to harm you!

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How to make difficult conversations easy

“He has asked me for a pay rise and I just don’t know how to say no.”

This was what I was asked in a coaching session earlier today. The person I was coaching is an established, credible and senior leader within her company.

The fact is, no matter what leadership level you sit on, difficult conversations are… difficult.

We will all encounter difficult conversations within our lifetimes, whether we are in a leadership role or not. So it is best to be prepared when they ultimately arrive in your life!

Here are four simple ideas, that if implemented successfully, will improve the output of any difficult conversation you have to orchestrate:

Remove Emotion

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The number one factor of why difficult conversations turn into a verbal car-crash is… Being emotionally driven.

By definition, a challenging conversation will be emotive for at least one person (probably both people). As the instigator of the conversation, you will have adrenaline coursing through your veins. Your emotions will feel like they have just stepped up a gear, as your body goes into “fight or flight” mode. This is not helpful.

What is helpful is to, in a calm and mindful manner, focus on the facts. Rather than focusing our energy into how we feel. By doing this, the conversation has a good chance of remaining factual and real.

Reality is vital if you want a positive outcome to the discussion!

The single best way to lower your emotional levels before a difficult conversation – Preparation.

Understand the facts and rehearse the conversation. Physically practise saying what you want to say. The more you practise, the better you will get and the less emotional you will feel! Therefore, even if you have adrenaline pumping through your veins at the moment of truth, you will still be able to deliver the facts in a calm manner… because you have rehearsed it perfectly.

Also, it is powerful to rehearse the conversation with a focus on service.

When the conversation priority is a positive outcome for all concerned (not just a positive outcome for you!), you will have to alter your style and become less defensive. This approach has great benefits – it will lower the defences of the person you are talking to, thus lowering their emotional levels and it will enable you to talk in a frank and factual way, without it appearing as an attack.

A good strategy for a difficult conversation!

Understand you don’t know everything

You only know your facts… that is all.

When you understand this, it will allow you to focus on conclusions rather than delivery.

What I mean by this is that it is far better to be focused on a positive outcome, rather than being singularly focused on getting your side of the story heard.

So many people go into difficult conversations, bursting to say their piece. Bursting so much that it gets fired out like a machine gun… a surefire way to ruin the rest of the conversation.

If you enter the conversation with your main priority as a positive action resulting from it… then you will be more likely to listen… you will be more likely to understand… and you will be more receptive to the right course of action.

“If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.”

Henry Ford

 

Make sure your facts are facts

This is the oldest advice in the book of giving feedback, but there is a very good reason for this… because it is true!

The bottom line – Your facts have to have been observed and checked by you, if not you are setting yourself up to fail. The moment you rely on second hand information, the conversation will spiral out of control.

Again this is why preparation is so important. If you don’t do your homework properly, you are asking for trouble.

Give time and space

a_god_of_time_and_space__remake__by_cherryorchid-d6xum80.pngI have seen people utilse all the advice above, but then all that great work is destroyed with this common mistake… a tight time limit on the conversation.

You can make great strides, but if you have to cut the meeting off because of something else you have booked in to do, then you may as well not have bothered starting the discussion.

To rectify this you should plan and prepare for the discussion to go twice as long as you anticipate. If it is difficult for you, then it is difficult for them. Show them respect by giving them the time and space they need. They probably haven’t done all the preparation you have, so give them the opportunity to work through it properly.

If you do this, you automatically get two benefits:

  1. Shows that you are interested in them and a positive outcome, which will reduce their emotional levels.
  2. Allows autonomy – You give the person the time to come up with the right response, through their own judgement rather than emotion – 99.9% of the time they will develop a brilliant solution.

Putting it all together

We will all have to face difficult conversations in our lives… and they are going to be difficult!

You can make them much easier if you plan and prepare

  1. Remove the emotion, rehearse and aim to serve.
  2. You don’t know everything, so focus on outcome rather than saying your bit.
  3. Ensure your facts have been observed by you.
  4. Give time and space to work it through properly.

How to believe in people again

Almost everyone has, at some point, been hurt, rejected, dismissed and treated badly. When this happens many of us then find it hard to believe and trust in people again.

If you have ever felt like this, then here are 4 strategies that will allow you to stay positive and get the best out of all of your relationships... Even if it seems as though you are surrounded by people who have hurt you, let you down or broken your heart.

Trust is a biological need

The science is clear… Trust and connection are critical factors in human existence. This is not my opinion, this is proven scientific fact. We are literally biologically forced to connect with others, because we are stronger together.

If you allow a few people to make you lose faith in that, then you are only hurting yourself.

Branding the entire human race as cruel and nasty because of a few people is ridiculous. Think about it… there are 7 billion people on this planet – all of which have a biological need to connect with others. Don’t let a couple of idiots ruin your perception of how many great people there are in the world.

Acknowledge people are just like you

everyoneWe only ever get to see our perspective of life and it is easy to think we are alone in our struggle. The truth is everyone struggles.

Some find it hard just to get through the day, others are frustrated because they can’t chase their dreams, many are worried about how they can support their families, scared of what others think about them. The lists are endless, but the ultimate truth is that everybody is struggling somehow.

It is so important that you understand this. If you ever get to a place where you think your situation is so special and unique that nobody can ever understand you – You are in a bad place and, more importantly, you are wrong. You have more in common with others than you realise.

By saying that nobody could ever understand you, all you are doing is freezing yourself out of relationships.

If you freeze yourself out, then nobody will understand you because you won’t let them, NOT because they can’t. That is your doing… not theirs.

Stop building walls

Once you have been hurt, it is tempting to create emotional barriers and walls to stop you getting hurt again.

Been hurt in love? Create barriers that make it difficult for you to fall in love again… so in theory, you won’t get hurt again.

Hopefully you can see the problem with this tactic. Barriers and walls stop you feeling positive and wonderful emotions. Emotions you need and desire.

Barriers and walls keep the bad guys out, but they also fend off the good guys too.

Walls solve nothing, they just deny you what you want most and they also hurt other people… good people.

The brave thing to do is to brake down your walls and allow yourself to live. I can’t promise you that you will never get hurt again, but by allowing those positive emotions in, it does mean you will experience 10x the love, joy, happiness and trust than you would if you lock everything out.

Most people have walls… break down yours, break down theirs… with love, with joy, with trust and your life will become abundant.

Birds of a feather

141159769539890017_cyh5thwj_cThis last strategy is so simple, but also the most effective – Remove negative people from your life and increase the amount of positive people.

Positive people are supportive, caring and helpful… There are billions of these types of people across the world, literally billions!

They will help you grow, develop and become the best version of you, so seek them out.

Yes there are mean people in the world, but they are not the majority… You don’t have to have them in your life. It is a choice, make one that improves the quality of your life.

Putting it all together

There are mean people and when you get hurt, it is tempting to turn your back on the world and lose trust in people.

Don’t, mean people are in the minority.

You have a biological need to connect with others – If you deny yourself this, you are only hurting yourself.

You are not the only person who is struggling. Understanding this truth will allow you to have more empathy for those around you.

Stop building walls – You deny yourself the emotions you most desire when you create barriers – don’t deny yourself love, joy, happiness and trust.

Choose to build relationships with positive people. There are loads of them out there!

How to Deal with Difficult People

Your success, your career, you life, is dependant on the quality of the relationships you create.

So what happens if a key person in your life is really difficult to build any sort of relationship with?

This video explores what you can do to have a positive impact and build high quality relationships, even with the most challenging people you know!

What to do when you have been let down by someone you trust

I have recently been badly let down…

The person in question was in a situation which was difficult for her, she was highly stressed and appeared to be making herself ill.

So I listened, I supported, I trusted, I guided. I even went above the call of duty and threw myself in the firing line for her.

My action worked – her stressful situation dissipated and, in the moments when I took the heat away, she turned on me – blaming me for it all and informing everyone that would listen, that she was faultless. She quickly distanced myself from her and then she attempted to muscle in on the good work I created for her company!

How would you respond if this was you?

The probability is you will have experienced a similar situation like this in your life. Where someone you trust, fails to reciprocate that trust and lets you down.  When this happens it is understandable that your response would be emotional and negative.

The unfortunate truth is that responding this way rarely helps anyone. Especially you.

The reaction that will serve you best will help you move on and be able to trust again quickly and wholeheartedly. Here is how:

Forgive

“Forgiveness says you are given another chance to make a new beginning.”

Desmond Tutu

Holding resentment inside only hurts one person – you. The last person who needs to be hurt by you is you, so you have to rid yourself of resentment.

Resentment is like drinking poison and hoping your enemy will die. The poison will do nothing to your enemy, but will kill you!

Forgiveness can seem hard… Why should you forgive someone who has hurt you? The reason you should is because forgiveness isn’t just about the antagonist, it’s about allowing yourself to stop hurting… and you deserve that.

Be your best self

20141223140914-give-gift-your-presenceSometimes when we feel we have been let down it is easy to close ourselves off to the world.

Who is this behaviour serving? Nobody, that’s who.

The past is the past. It cannot be changed, you can only learn from it. The one thing that is an absolute certainty in life is that if you want the future to be brighter, you have to bring your best self to the game.

Be bigger, be better and be bolder… be your best self and you will bring the best out of the present and the future.

Expect the best in others

Just because one person has let you down, it doesn’t mean the world is full of evil, untrustworthy people. 99.9% of people have the desire to be nice, kind and helpful individuals. Don’t close down your opportunities to connect deeply with others, just because one person has broken your trust.

If you expect the best from others, your behaviours will adapt accordingly and you will engage with the world in a positive fashion… and guess what? Engaging positively with those around you will, 99.9% of the time, result in positive outcomes!

Surround yourself with positive people

When-you-surround-yourself-with-positive-loving-peopleIt is said that you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. So who do you want to be and who do you want to be surrounded by?

This is a choice – seek out the people who have aspirations and goals like you. The people you admire. The people you can trust.

Don’t get sucked in by people who are self obsessed, negative or selfish… It will drain you. Instead look up at those people who soar… and choose to fly with them.

Putting it all together

The bottom line is that some people will hurt you – NEVER let that stop you being the wonderful and authentic person you are.

Be the best version of you!

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