Autonomy and leadership are words that are often linked together when people discuss what a great leader means to them… Yet in reality it doesn’t materialise. In fact, do most leaders even know what autonomy is?
In this video, we will find out:
Almost everyone has, at some point, been hurt, rejected, dismissed and treated badly. When this happens many of us then find it hard to believe and trust in people again.
If you have ever felt like this, then here are 4 strategies that will allow you to stay positive and get the best out of all of your relationships... Even if it seems as though you are surrounded by people who have hurt you, let you down or broken your heart.
Trust is a biological need
The science is clear… Trust and connection are critical factors in human existence. This is not my opinion, this is proven scientific fact. We are literally biologically forced to connect with others, because we are stronger together.
If you allow a few people to make you lose faith in that, then you are only hurting yourself.
Branding the entire human race as cruel and nasty because of a few people is ridiculous. Think about it… there are 7 billion people on this planet – all of which have a biological need to connect with others. Don’t let a couple of idiots ruin your perception of how many great people there are in the world.
Acknowledge people are just like you
We only ever get to see our perspective of life and it is easy to think we are alone in our struggle. The truth is everyone struggles.
Some find it hard just to get through the day, others are frustrated because they can’t chase their dreams, many are worried about how they can support their families, scared of what others think about them. The lists are endless, but the ultimate truth is that everybody is struggling somehow.
It is so important that you understand this. If you ever get to a place where you think your situation is so special and unique that nobody can ever understand you – You are in a bad place and, more importantly, you are wrong. You have more in common with others than you realise.
By saying that nobody could ever understand you, all you are doing is freezing yourself out of relationships.
If you freeze yourself out, then nobody will understand you because you won’t let them, NOT because they can’t. That is your doing… not theirs.
Stop building walls
Once you have been hurt, it is tempting to create emotional barriers and walls to stop you getting hurt again.
Been hurt in love? Create barriers that make it difficult for you to fall in love again… so in theory, you won’t get hurt again.
Hopefully you can see the problem with this tactic. Barriers and walls stop you feeling positive and wonderful emotions. Emotions you need and desire.
Barriers and walls keep the bad guys out, but they also fend off the good guys too.
Walls solve nothing, they just deny you what you want most and they also hurt other people… good people.
The brave thing to do is to brake down your walls and allow yourself to live. I can’t promise you that you will never get hurt again, but by allowing those positive emotions in, it does mean you will experience 10x the love, joy, happiness and trust than you would if you lock everything out.
Most people have walls… break down yours, break down theirs… with love, with joy, with trust and your life will become abundant.
Birds of a feather
This last strategy is so simple, but also the most effective – Remove negative people from your life and increase the amount of positive people.
Positive people are supportive, caring and helpful… There are billions of these types of people across the world, literally billions!
They will help you grow, develop and become the best version of you, so seek them out.
Yes there are mean people in the world, but they are not the majority… You don’t have to have them in your life. It is a choice, make one that improves the quality of your life.
Putting it all together
There are mean people and when you get hurt, it is tempting to turn your back on the world and lose trust in people.
Don’t, mean people are in the minority.
You have a biological need to connect with others – If you deny yourself this, you are only hurting yourself.
You are not the only person who is struggling. Understanding this truth will allow you to have more empathy for those around you.
Stop building walls – You deny yourself the emotions you most desire when you create barriers – don’t deny yourself love, joy, happiness and trust.
Choose to build relationships with positive people. There are loads of them out there!
Rosa Parks, Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther-King – They are great people who have etched their names in history books for standing up for what they believed in and they helped change the world in the process.
We are told powerful stories about special individuals who changed the course of the world by standing against status quo – sometimes facing unsurmountable odds, yet ultimately winning though.
We are told everyone has this power. We are told we too can change the world if our resolve is strong enough… but can we?
I mean these stories sound compelling, yet in your life right now, can you make a stand? Let’s start small… can you go up against the boss at work and not damage your career?
Going a bit bigger… Can you legitimately challenge those in positions of authority, such as politicians, without being removed or arrested?
I think we can, but not in the way the stories would lead you to believe.
Standing up for what you believe in is not a single event, it’s a way of living – It would be impossible to make a huge stand for what you believe to be right in one moment, if your actions in the past didn’t back you up.
Standing up for what is right, is living what is right. It is in your everyday behaviours and actions.
1. Clearly understand what you believe in
2. Share this with everyone
3. Make sure everything you do is linked to this
So if you passionately believe in ‘being honest’ … then communicate this value simply and with clarity… then follow it up by making sure you always tell the truth!
It is a simple example, but hopefully it demonstrates the power of being able to stand up for what you believe in – because if this is how you live your life, then it is easy to challenge the status quo when needed, because everyone will expect it!
This of course has it’s challenges, but what it allows you to be is authentic, strong and value led.
If you don’t live your life by these rules, then you will end up living your life by someone else’s. That is the opposite of standing up for what is right.
Be the best version of you – stand up for you believe in… stand up for what is right.
We all need motivation in our lives.
The more motivated we are, the more we can achieve.
Yet, most of us don’t utilise the biggest secret on how to get ultra motivated, quickly and powerfully…
In this video, I share that secret:
Stress is known to be a major contributor to many terminal illnesses – Stress is literally killing us.
In the video, I share my ideas on how to deal with stress and improve the quality of your life:
Why do we determine success as attaining things we don’t currently have?
I mean that’s really weird right? Saying ‘I will be successful when… I get… or this happens..’
That means success is always in the future and if we have programmed ourselves this way, then even if we achieve our original goal, it wouldn’t mean we are successful – Success will have just moved on to another destination.
We always tell ourselves the same story – when we finally arrive at ‘success’, our lives will be great, be so much easier, be so much happier.
We are literally telling ourselves a fairytale.
Take a moment to think about the story we tell ourselves – Life currently has its struggles, but you will persevere and work hard, then one happy day you will graduate and be ‘successful’. At this point life suddenly becomes easy, you will have more fun and you will be happier.
Does that sound like real life? Do you really think that happens to anyone?
Sorry to bust the bubble, but that story is simply just not true.
Success is not a destination, it never has been and never will be. There is no arrival – You will have challenges and difficulties no matter what. That is just life.
Success does exist though. It is in the actions you take everyday to become a better version of you. Success lives in the now, it lives in your development, it lives in your actions.
So if you desire success then there is only one question to answer – Will you choose the discipline required to take hold of the now, to live in the now, to improve yourself now?
The discipline to act in the now, is what creates your destiny. Discipline is what will make you the best version of you.
If you don’t choose the discipline of the now, then you will experience only one possible outcome – Regret.
- Discipline is the factor that gets you back on track, when you lose focus (and we all lose focus from time to time).
- Discipline is the factor that gets you moving forward quickly when you have failed or been rejected.
- Discipline is the factor that guarantees you will become the best version of you and the life that comes with that.
- Discipline is the factor that allows you to be successful now.
I choose discipline – I want to say at the end of my life that I gave it everything I have had. I cannot tolerate the thought of holding regret… of saying ‘what if’.
I urge you to choose discipline too.
Success is not a destination. Success is right now, in the actions you take. Choose to be the best version of you.
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In a previous career years ago, I was informed that I was a high potential employee. I was over the moon…
But it then turned to disaster – the following year I was told that I had low potential. Obviously I was devastated.
The story then took another twist – A further twelve months later I was advised I had become a high potential employee again!
My potential was a rollercoaster ride and I couldn’t understand why.
The company I worked in had devised a succinct formula for potential, with clear definitions and criteria. During all three years I had been measured on this clear criteria and I had displayed consistent behaviours.
So what had changed?
Simply put: The people who decided my potential.
Here in lies the problem. Potential, no matter how clearly defined and articulated, will be perceived in vastly different ways by the individuals in that company. It is all about perspective… Which becomes a limiting factor to people reaching their potential!
The facts are no formula for potential will ever overcome an individuals perspective. There are many reasons why this is the case. One of which is because potential is the future – it hasn’t been realised yet – potential is therefore completely unknown!
So, if we can’t predict the future, how can we ever get it right?
I suggest we should take a different approach. I suggest we should stop trying to guess other people’s potential, because it will automatically limit more people’s growth than enable it… and also, who are we to decide what someone else can or can’t do??? That is presumptuous and arrogant!
I suggest we should take this approach instead:
Assume that EVERYONE has unlimited potential.
Assume EVERYONE has the capacity to be great.
This way everyone has an equal opportunity. Therefore we create an environment that enables everyone and limits nobody. Then potential is left to each individual. The people who reach their potential in this environment will be those who take the most action, those who dare to be great, those who recover from failure quickly and dedicate themselves to self improvement.
It then becomes significantly easier to manage potential. Rather than guessing who has it and who doesn’t – Purposely provide EVERYONE the environment to reach for their potential.
Create opportunities for all to flourish. Reward personal development and growth over achievement. Allow failure and encourage creativity.
Then those that reach high, those that strive, are those that have realised their potential. No Guessing required!
“Talent will only get you so far, to become great it takes hours and hours of beating on your craft”
Create the right environment and you will find many more people that exhibit the following:
Do What It Takes:
Driven individuals are determined to become the best version of themselves. This will be more important to them than looking good and getting fast results the wrong way. Instead it is about challenging themselves everyday. Success to these people isn’t a destination… success is a daily habit.
Not Afraid Of Failure:
People who will perceive failure as an opportunity to learn rather than damaging to long-term success. These people won’t waste energy blaming others or licking their wounds. Rather they will analyse the mistakes and work out how to eliminate them in the future.
This means they will be bold and brave – The way to greatness.
Putting it all together:
Potential is unknown and it is arrogant to think some people have it and others don’t. Everyone is capable of amazing things – It is the action they take that will define them.
Don’t guess who has potential and who doesn’t. Instead create the environment where all have the opportunity to take action and you will discover that you have more ‘High Potential’ employees than you realised!