4 Excuses For Quitting And 4 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t

I have spent the last 19 months of my life writing a leadership book – And then when it was pretty much ready to be published, I stopped.

I stopped taking action and I gave myself loads of “reasons” why.

Of course these reasons were just excuses… Here is why I stopped taking action and the reasons why I shouldn’t. If you have aimed for a goal, been making progress, then felt like quitting… maybe this could help:

Fear

“Everything you want is on the other side of fear”

Jack Canfield

I hate to admit it, but the main reason I stopped was due to fear – fear people might not like my book, fear that people might laugh, fear that I might not be any good. Looking at it logically it is likely that some people wouldn’t like my work or me… but it wouldn’t be everyone and it shouldn’t be something that I should be fearful of. 

But that didn’t stop me being afraid.

Fear, essentially is a powerful metabolic function, that is designed to protect us from danger. So when genuine threats come along we change our behaviour so we can survive – behaviours such as running away, hiding or freezing.

The bottom line is that, no matter what, fear is going to play a part in your life. It is how we manage it that makes all the difference.

We can do this by creating leverage and developing our mindset.

Leverage –  Purposely create the thought process that the act of quitting will be a more painful experience than the possible results of taking action.

To do this you will need to write, in as much detail as possible, how awful your life will be if you don’t take action towards your goals. Do this over various timeframes, for example how horrible your life will be next week, in one year and in five years.

Completing this simple process will shift your minds focus and perspective, transforming your energy towards taking positive action.

Mindset – Are the goals you have set yourself fixed or growth goals? If you have lots of fixed goals (a fixed goal is a goal that has an end point and is ridged in the success criteria) then you are not be setting yourself up for success.

The reason why is with any fixed goal there will always be factors out of your control, this can then create frustration, fear and disappointment. All of which will direct you towards quitting.

A growth goal on the other hand does set you up for success. Growth goals are about continuous development and growth, both of these factors are within your control… You can grow, develop and learn everyday if you so desired.  This will help remove the fear you feel, because each step of the goal is now fully achievable, so you can continue to progress towards your goals with more control.

I don’t know what to do

question-markIn my example, this surfaced with publishing – should I go through an established publisher or self publish? There are benefits for both – and there are negatives.

A publisher will do most of the work for you in getting your book on sale, but at a very high cost, which would mean literally no profits from my book (unless by some miracle I became a multimillion selling hit!). Self publishing means I would make more money per book sale, but I would have to learn how to publish! 

I didn’t know what to do, so I did nothing.

This is one of the easiest excuses to make – because the truth is, there will be times when we don’t know what to do!

An ultra affective strategy in this situation is to role model from those people who have already done what you need to do.

Go onto any  internet search engine and type in what you want to learn or become and, as quick as a flash, you will have a reservoir of resource, from world-class experts, at your fingertips.

Don’t make the excuse that you don’t know what to do – instead put it on your ‘to-do list’ to find out what you should do!

Don’t have the energy

After writing my book, I got distracted by day to day hassles and problems. In fact I got so involved in the daily struggles, that even when I had the time to focus on my book, I felt so tired, that I couldn’t face more work.

This is a common problem… Most people fail to chase their dreams because they have busy lives and this gets in the way of achieving real quality. After a tough day being busy most of us want to relax and “un-plug” rather than chase our big life goals.

Here are two strategies to combat fatigue:

1 . Prioritise the important. Very simply, your vision, your destiny or your dream should be the most important goal in your life. So make it the first thing you do. Build in the time and make your big life goals the priority and focus on these first!

2 . Take care of your physiology. Are you drinking enough water? Are you eating healthy, energy providing foods? Are you committing to a productive exercise routine? If you look after your physiology, you will have more energy – Obvious, but true!

I don’t have the time

bigstock_Turn_Back_Time_10456We are all so busy. We live in the most fast-paced, ever-changing and hectic time in human history. Pretty much everyone struggles for time. It is an almost foolproof excuse for quitting on our personal goals and dreams… That is one of the things I told myself about publishing my book!

Yet, if we are absolutely honest – do we use all the time we have available to us, effectively?

Just think about the amount of time each day you spend looking at a screen… Television, phone, laptop, tablet…

Is this a productive use of our time? 

If you want to have enough time to achieve amazing things do this: Stop using any social media and TV (this includes programs on the internet!) for 30 days and instead use that time to take action on your goals.

In 30 days I guarantee you will be amazed at how much progress you make in achieving your goals. I also guarantee, if you can do the 30 days, that you won’t miss TV and the internet half as much as you imagine you will!

Final thoughts

If you follow through and take the required action everyday towards your goal, then eventually you will get there!

Yet sometimes rather than committing to keep moving forward, we create an internal story that tells us to quit. 

These stories can seem compelling, but the truth is, they are excuses. Challenge yourself to take action even when you feel scared, don’t know what to do, don’t have the energy or don’t have the time.

If you do you can achieve your goals – Like I did… My book will be published later in the year!

If you want to get a discount on my book later in the year (plus a free high performance PDF now, extra motivational videos and coaching on achieving your potential direct to your inbox) CLICK ME NOW!

 

How to Deal with Difficult People

Your success, your career, you life, is dependant on the quality of the relationships you create.

So what happens if a key person in your life is really difficult to build any sort of relationship with?

This video explores what you can do to have a positive impact and build high quality relationships, even with the most challenging people you know!

Do You Know What You Need To Focus On To Become The Best?

We all want success.

But to be successful we must become the best we can possibly be… But the best at what?

We have so many possibilities, so many opportunities, that our personal development can become a tangled mess because we want to get better at everything.

Success… Real success… Game changing, life transforming success, comes with purposeful focus.

When you understand what to focus on and push all your development into that area you will transform your life. Watch to learn more:

Why leadership will probably fail in your place of work

Leadership is, on the surface, highly desirable. Companies across the world understand the benefits and value great leadership can bring to their business. Leadership development books and training courses are all the rage too, with the narrative being leadership is the key to business success.

But this is a lie…

Think about it… how many great leaders have you worked with in your career?

If you are really lucky you might be able to count one or two. Now think about all of the people you have worked with, who are not great leaders… Have you run out of fingers yet?

If the desire for leadership is in such high demand, why is leadership not more abundant in the places we work?

Popular opinion would point to the way companies are set up – They need results very quickly and only focus on the short term, whereas leadership is a long-term proposition.

Other people believe that true leadership is reserved for the uniquely gifted. Those special few, who have magically been born great leaders.

I suggest that neither is true…

I suggest that leadership is so rare because it is counterintuitive.

A counterintuitive proposition is something that does not seem likely to be true when assessed using intuition, common sense, or gut feelings.

car-skidding

An example I like to use when explaining a counterintuitive proposition, is with driving and your vehicle starts to skid. In this situation you will usually feel the rear end of the vehicle shifting unexpectedly to one side. You will then need to identify which way the rear is moving, and then steer into the skid. So if the rear is shifting towards the right, you should steer to the right. If the rear is shifting to the left, steer left. This of course feels counter-intuitive as the instinctive reaction is to steer away from the skid.

Leadership is the same…

No matter which leadership model resonates with you, the simple truth is that when you are a leader you will need to trust your followers and your followers will need to feel trusted.

714c21f79cb54a597193894680008195

Think of yourself as a follower. Would you be more engaged if you were trusted or if you were micro-managed?

We all know the ability for a leader to trust is critical… Yet in reality this will feel counterintuitive. The concept of giving up control is frightening. The facts are, that as a leader you are accountable for the results achieved, so giving up control to your followers will appear very risky.

Apply this into the skidding metaphor. As a leader you have ensured your team are capable, trained well and understand the team vision. In this moment, things are going well and you will be free to trust your followers to work autonomously. This is, in our metaphor, when you are driving along in a controlled manner.

Then, the multiple pressures of delivering a plethora of results, behaviours or actions exhorts the leader into a sense of urgency. This is the moment the vehicle starts to skid.

The instinctive reaction for the leader is to try to take control of the situation. The sense of urgency will feel real and who better to know how to navigate this than the leader themselves? Therefore they will remove the autonomy from within their team and take a more direct and controlling approach. This is just like the instinctive reaction when in the skid, we will automatically want to steer away.

The right thing to do is continue to trust and to believe in your followers. But just like steering into the skid, this is counterintuitive. As long as you have ensured they are capable and that they understand the destination, then how your followers deliver has to be autonomous. After all, your followers have more collective knowledge and skill than you do. So if you really want the best results give your team the best working environment.

People, who work in an environment where they are trusted, trained and valued… will always work better and harder than those that aren’t trusted.

You know this to be true; because that is the way you work best.

Yes it feels much more comfortable to take control, but that isn’t to the benefit of your team. And a great leader knows their entire job is to be of benefit to the team.

The next time you feel the urge to control, remember you are in a skid… and you will know how to ensure leadership doesn’t fail.

Can you REALLY find fulfilling work?

As the new year begins, we all have the opportunity to reflect on our past, set goals for our futures and maybe dare to dream of a little bit more than just paying the bills…

And in this moment of thoughtfulness, I have to ask: What do you want from your career?

Of course there are predictable answers, such as more money/status/position, but the most common desire is to have fulfilling work. Work that is enjoyable. Work that connects with your values. Work that utilises your skills. Work that contributes in a way that fills you with pride.

Although the idea that work can and should be fulfilling is a relatively new concept, it is now one of the primary expectations of todays workforce.

do-you-know-the-real-value-of-hard-workIt’s not like the old days, were work was so horrid and boring that the only way anyone would do is was to be paid.

No, in todays world we don’t only desire money for our labour, we also desire deep meaning and satisfaction.

The thing is… fulfilment is a big ask – and can probably explain why we all have career meltdowns after being on holiday or reflecting on our lives at new years – we desire fulfilling work.

So how realistic is it? Here are three ideas that might help you find fulfilling work:

1. Being confused about career choice is normal.

Again, it’s not like the old days when you only ever had one or two career choices depending on your social ranking. Today is different. Today there are so many career options open to us it becomes difficult to choose. The fear of making the wrong decision and then being stuck in a job you hate for the rest of eternity can literally stop you in your tracks and stop you from choosing a career path.

Don’t let fear take hold, any choice is better than no choice. It is better to take action and learn, than take no action at all. Even if you are wrong, you will be one step closer to finding out what is right!

2. Know Yourself

“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom”

Aristotle

Answering the question, ‘What is the meaning of my life?’ is easier said than done.

Understanding your deepest values and purpose is an emotional and difficult process. It is, however, tremendously rewarding too. Spending time to learn more about who you are and why you are here will help direct your work life.

In the simplest of terms, a job that is in line with your values and beliefs will be the best and most fulfilling job you have ever had!

3. Reflect, Reflect, Reflect

book_questionmark_600x369The more time you pro-actively think about how you are feeling and why, the more proficient you will become in bringing more positivity into your life.

If you feel bad… reflect and try to understand why that is. The same with feeling good. Once you have a clear understanding of the factors that generate specific emotions within you, then you can develop strategies on how to connect and attract the positive influencers and remove the negative factors.

This knowledge will then allow you to make more educated career choices, as you will know in advance what type of work will be the right type of work for you.

Putting it all together

We all desire fulfilling work. In fact we deserve it.

The best ways to reach this utopia is to take action and learn. Take time to understand who you are, explore the purpose of your life and reflect consciously on your feelings.

Fulfilment starts and ends with you… decide to become the best version of yourself.

Winners quit fast, quit often and quit without guilt

Is quitting ever the right thing to do?

I hate to say it, but sometimes the answer is ‘yes’.

If you a regular reader of these posts, you will know I consistently preach that we shouldn’t quit… In the recipe for success, taking action everyday, is the most common ingredient. If any of us are going to be successful, then the reality is we have take action towards our goals.

So how does quitting fit in to the recipe of success?

What if you are trapped in a situation that is restricting your progress, limiting your potential or suffocating your dreams.

Is it right to stay and fight in that situation?

Well if your current struggle is a part of the journey towards your personal goals, then YES you should stick it out and keep on taking action to keep on getting better.

Have an honest look at the bigger picture of your life. Is your current reality is just a bump in the road or is it a dead end?

Ask yourself:

‘Have I changed and adapted myself to maximise this current situation?’
‘Have I tried everything? What else could I try?’

If you haven’t changed your approach and your mindset, then you shouldn’t quit! If you want to change ANYTHING in your life, start with yourself first!

However there are those times you should quit.

Ask yourself:

Does my current reality (job, life style, relationships or friends) have a fundamentally negative impact on my life goals?
Have I changed myself in that situation, to try and improve it?

If you have a negative impact in your life, that you cant change by adapting your mindset… then quit… now.

Life is far to short to spend it being miserable.

mood-girl-dress-color-hands-smile-summer-umbrella-umbrella-happiness-freedom-freedom-openness-warmth-plants-nature-field-sun-sky-clouds-background-freedomIf you cannot chase your goals, if you cannot become the best version of you, if you are trapped and being restricted then you have to to something about it.

Think about it, at the end of your life will you regret chasing your goals or would you regret not trying?

The honest truth is, if your situation is suffocating your potential, then you can quit and you will find a better environment.

If you go to work hating every second, without any hope of improvement… Quit… Find another job! The longer you stay, the less confidence and self worth you will have. That is no way to spend your working life!

The same goes for relationships in your life… If there is a relationship that is hurting you, which is having a negative impact on how you live… then quit.. You don’t have to stay in a relationship that hurts!

You can quit and become happy, successful and fulfilled.

Don’t live a trapped life. Live your life to the fullest.

Become the best version of you.

The Three Most Important Lessons In Life That My Children Taught Me.

When you first commence parenthood, you will probably expect to learn a lot, just like I did. 

What I didn’t realise when I became a father was that my children would teach me about how to live a fulfilled and successful life.

My children, who are now 6 and 4 years old, have taught me the most fundamental and critical factors that determine the quality of life.

These factors will absolutely have a dramatic effect on your life, if you choose to follow what I have learnt. This has nothing to do with parenthood and everything to do with how to live a fulfilled life. 

Here is what I have learnt from my children:

1. Don’t care about trying to fit in.

shutterstock_85725160In our society, the idea of not fitting in and being different can be quite terrifying! We are taught throughout our lives that fitting in and compliance are positive attributes. On the most basic level, look a school uniforms, we make unique and special individuals look identical.

 

We do this in our society consistently, slowly removing our individuality and building the concept that being different is bad or negative. After all we know what happens to those that are different… they are laughed at and made fun of.

Young children on the other hand simply do not care – they are absolutely true to themselves in every way possible. They are not bothered if other people see them differently, in fact it doesn’t even enter their minds! They live and embody the person they are with pride and passion.

Here is the kicker: It is IMPOSSIBLE to be truly happy when you compromise who you are. Spending your life trying to ‘fit in’ means that you will never give the world your full potential. We are ALL different, none of us ‘fit in’ to the stereotypes we have created.

You can stand out. You can be exceptional. You are amazing and full of huge potential. Be like a child and let the real you shine like the sun – The world deserves the very best you, You deserve the very best you… Be brave, stand out!

2. Live in the present moment.

“Learning to live in the present moment is part of the path to joy”

Sarah Ban Breathnatch

Children enjoy the magic of now. They see the world with wonder, savouring everything around them.

As adults we tend to spend so much time either worrying and thinking about the past or planning and worrying about the future. So much so that we neglect the beauty and magnificence of right now!

The feeling of being absorbed in the present is wonderful. Children do it all of the time and remembering we have this skill is a fundamental building block of happiness. Read any book on how to be happy and one of the key factors will be about enjoying and being grateful for the present moment.

Here are the facts: You can’t change the past, it has gone. You can’t control the future either, as you will never have complete control of all factors involved.

What you can do is control yourself and the actions you take right now – If you think about it, the present moment is the only real moment you ever have – use it, enjoy it, live it and love it!

This doesn’t mean you should completely ignore the past or the future. Respect and learn from the past and have goals for the future. Just don’t spend all your time there. 

3. Don’t worry about failing.

216Children keep on taking action, they keep on trying until they win. It is as simple as that – Learn to walk? Keep on taking action until they win. Learn to stack building blocks? Keep on taking action until they win.

The concept of failure isn’t even in their minds – they don’t worry about looking silly, they don’t quit or concern themselves with what other people might think. They don’t care if they fall, it is just a part of the process. So they fall, they learn, they take more action…until they win!

Yet in our adult lives the fear of getting something wrong can be terrifying – So rather than take a risk, we will play it safe. We won’t take the action we need to take… instead we will take the action that is easiest to do!

That will, of course, limit us.

It will affect the quality of our lives dramatically. Take your current life as an example – Once upon a time you had a dream (maybe you still do). To achieve that dream you will have to take risks, you will have to fail lots of times and you will have to show real grit and determination to keep on pressing forward until you win.

If you are fearful of failing, then you simply won’t take the action required to win.

However, if you do take the action required everyday… Then you will experience hardship, BUT over time, you will become significantly closer to your dream. 

This is true with ANY goal… Take the required action… everyday… no matter what… and one day you will win!

Children know this. Maybe we should all be more like them?