How To Set Massive Goals & Get Them To Stick

Have you ever wanted to improve something in your life?

Have you found it difficult to create lasting change?

You are not alone… Being able to create goals that you follow through on is difficult.

However there are some fantastic strategies that can rapidly accelerate your progress. In this video, I share what I have learnt about goal setting – These ideas have transformed my life and hopefully they can help you to:

 

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Six Reasons Why Your Team Don’t Respect You

“Everything would be okay if it wasn’t for her.”
“She is fine to my face, but then stabs me in the back.”
“She thinks she is better than me.”

This is what I was told repeatedly yesterday… I was facilitating a high performance coaching session with an emerging  manager about her leadership – however, all she wanted to talk about was how one of her assistant managers didn’t respect her – as she said, “She doesn’t have my back, I can’t trust her.”

Respect is important to us all. As a leader. As a manager. As a human being. Respect is vital.

We all want it, the question is, are you willing to do what it takes to get it?
Respect is not given to you. Even when you are in a senior role at work, that doesn’t mean you automatically receive respect. People might work for you, but they don’t have to respect you.

Respect has to be earned. If you want more respect in your life and are prepared to put in the hard work, then here are six reasons why there could be a lack of respect in your life and what to do about it.

1.You Don’t Respect Yourself

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Yesterday, the manager I coached lacked self belief. The way she talked about her situation and her job, was like she didn’t quite feel like she deserved it. She didn’t think she was good enough or capable. 

In simple terms, she didn’t respect herself as a manager and her Assistant Manager knew it. Speaking to her, all she really needed was to understand that she had been given the job because her boss believed she was good enough. That simple realisation was all she needed.

If you lack respect for yourself, here is my advice: 

To purposefully review all the good you have done, you are an amazing person who has been through a lot. That deserves respect.

2.You Talk Behind Their Backs

Here is some very simple advice – Talking negatively about your team to other people in your team NEVER ends well. They always find out and you lose the respect of almost everyone in that team. If you have a problem with someone’s behaviour, feedback to them, not their colleagues!

3.You Don’t Treat Others The Way You Want To Be Treated

How you treat others will directly link to how others treat you in return. This means you should take care and attention when you decide how you want to be treated. Then give those behaviours to those around you, allow them to feel the way you want to.

For example, the manager I spoke to yesterday, liked to be the ‘mother’ figure within her team. Taking on all of the motherly duties and treating her team like her children. So guess what happened? Her team were treated like children, so they acted like children.

No surprises, but that is not what you want as a manager. What she has now done is identified that she would like her team to be respectful and honest. She now has to answer the question: What are the behaviours someone would have to show for you to treat them as respectful and honest?

4.You Act First, Then Think

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Something happens in a situation that you perceive as a lack of respect and then fire back in an emotional manner. Then later will think ‘Why did I say that?’

This is an emotional reaction that it is highly unlikely you will get the response or outcome you want. This is because the response from those around you is likely to be an emotional one too.

If you want to ensure that you get respect, thinking about how you feedback is critical. This takes planning, not much, but it will take a moment or two for your to gather your thoughts and remove the emotion.

If someone is disrespectful to you, think about how you will respond. It doesn’t need to be a fight and it doesn’t need to be emotional. What needs to happen is that behaviour is modified going forward.

What specific behaviour and situation are you discussing? What was the effect of this behaviour? What would you like to see in the future?

5.You Hold Back Your Concerns, Until You Explode

This is the opposite of acting first, thinking later! These are the times you will effectively ‘bottle up’ all your feedback and emotions, as the lack of respect builds and builds. Until, one day, all the emotion and feedback comes flooding out… probably for something and nothing!

If you let this happen, it is not the perpetrators fault, it’s yours. Allowing poor behaviour or emotions to build and then exploding into an emotional feedback volcano, guarantees a failure to get respect.

The advice is the same as before – when witnessing disrespectful behaviour, take a moment to remove the emotion and approach the situation factually. Then take the appropriate action as soon as you can.

6.Your Deeds Don’t Match Your Actions

One of the quickest ways to lose respect of the people around you is to say you will do something or say that you stand for something and then don’t. The best approach is to be mindful. To think about what you say and how you say it. The more people you lead, the more mindful you have to be. 

Be clear and check understanding. If you do what you say you will do, respect will follow.

Putting it all together

We all want and need respect, especially in a management or leadership role. If you want to change the behaviour of the people around you, then you must change your behaviour first.

Remember, respect is earned, so transform your behaviour and you will transform the respect you receive.

How Will You Measure Your Life?

When you reach the end of your life, will you be able to look back and say you lived a fulfilled life? A successful life?

Will you know?
What measurement criteria are you using?
Are you measuring yourself by that same criteria everyday?

This video asks all of these questions… and offers some ideas to help you ensure that when you do look back, it is with pride, achievement and joy.

Why leadership will probably fail in your place of work

Leadership is, on the surface, highly desirable. Companies across the world understand the benefits and value great leadership can bring to their business. Leadership development books and training courses are all the rage too, with the narrative being leadership is the key to business success.

But this is a lie…

Think about it… how many great leaders have you worked with in your career?

If you are really lucky you might be able to count one or two. Now think about all of the people you have worked with, who are not great leaders… Have you run out of fingers yet?

If the desire for leadership is in such high demand, why is leadership not more abundant in the places we work?

Popular opinion would point to the way companies are set up – They need results very quickly and only focus on the short term, whereas leadership is a long-term proposition.

Other people believe that true leadership is reserved for the uniquely gifted. Those special few, who have magically been born great leaders.

I suggest that neither is true…

I suggest that leadership is so rare because it is counterintuitive.

A counterintuitive proposition is something that does not seem likely to be true when assessed using intuition, common sense, or gut feelings.

car-skidding

An example I like to use when explaining a counterintuitive proposition, is with driving and your vehicle starts to skid. In this situation you will usually feel the rear end of the vehicle shifting unexpectedly to one side. You will then need to identify which way the rear is moving, and then steer into the skid. So if the rear is shifting towards the right, you should steer to the right. If the rear is shifting to the left, steer left. This of course feels counter-intuitive as the instinctive reaction is to steer away from the skid.

Leadership is the same…

No matter which leadership model resonates with you, the simple truth is that when you are a leader you will need to trust your followers and your followers will need to feel trusted.

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Think of yourself as a follower. Would you be more engaged if you were trusted or if you were micro-managed?

We all know the ability for a leader to trust is critical… Yet in reality this will feel counterintuitive. The concept of giving up control is frightening. The facts are, that as a leader you are accountable for the results achieved, so giving up control to your followers will appear very risky.

Apply this into the skidding metaphor. As a leader you have ensured your team are capable, trained well and understand the team vision. In this moment, things are going well and you will be free to trust your followers to work autonomously. This is, in our metaphor, when you are driving along in a controlled manner.

Then, the multiple pressures of delivering a plethora of results, behaviours or actions exhorts the leader into a sense of urgency. This is the moment the vehicle starts to skid.

The instinctive reaction for the leader is to try to take control of the situation. The sense of urgency will feel real and who better to know how to navigate this than the leader themselves? Therefore they will remove the autonomy from within their team and take a more direct and controlling approach. This is just like the instinctive reaction when in the skid, we will automatically want to steer away.

The right thing to do is continue to trust and to believe in your followers. But just like steering into the skid, this is counterintuitive. As long as you have ensured they are capable and that they understand the destination, then how your followers deliver has to be autonomous. After all, your followers have more collective knowledge and skill than you do. So if you really want the best results give your team the best working environment.

People, who work in an environment where they are trusted, trained and valued… will always work better and harder than those that aren’t trusted.

You know this to be true; because that is the way you work best.

Yes it feels much more comfortable to take control, but that isn’t to the benefit of your team. And a great leader knows their entire job is to be of benefit to the team.

The next time you feel the urge to control, remember you are in a skid… and you will know how to ensure leadership doesn’t fail.

Can you REALLY find fulfilling work?

As the new year begins, we all have the opportunity to reflect on our past, set goals for our futures and maybe dare to dream of a little bit more than just paying the bills…

And in this moment of thoughtfulness, I have to ask: What do you want from your career?

Of course there are predictable answers, such as more money/status/position, but the most common desire is to have fulfilling work. Work that is enjoyable. Work that connects with your values. Work that utilises your skills. Work that contributes in a way that fills you with pride.

Although the idea that work can and should be fulfilling is a relatively new concept, it is now one of the primary expectations of todays workforce.

do-you-know-the-real-value-of-hard-workIt’s not like the old days, were work was so horrid and boring that the only way anyone would do is was to be paid.

No, in todays world we don’t only desire money for our labour, we also desire deep meaning and satisfaction.

The thing is… fulfilment is a big ask – and can probably explain why we all have career meltdowns after being on holiday or reflecting on our lives at new years – we desire fulfilling work.

So how realistic is it? Here are three ideas that might help you find fulfilling work:

1. Being confused about career choice is normal.

Again, it’s not like the old days when you only ever had one or two career choices depending on your social ranking. Today is different. Today there are so many career options open to us it becomes difficult to choose. The fear of making the wrong decision and then being stuck in a job you hate for the rest of eternity can literally stop you in your tracks and stop you from choosing a career path.

Don’t let fear take hold, any choice is better than no choice. It is better to take action and learn, than take no action at all. Even if you are wrong, you will be one step closer to finding out what is right!

2. Know Yourself

“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom”

Aristotle

Answering the question, ‘What is the meaning of my life?’ is easier said than done.

Understanding your deepest values and purpose is an emotional and difficult process. It is, however, tremendously rewarding too. Spending time to learn more about who you are and why you are here will help direct your work life.

In the simplest of terms, a job that is in line with your values and beliefs will be the best and most fulfilling job you have ever had!

3. Reflect, Reflect, Reflect

book_questionmark_600x369The more time you pro-actively think about how you are feeling and why, the more proficient you will become in bringing more positivity into your life.

If you feel bad… reflect and try to understand why that is. The same with feeling good. Once you have a clear understanding of the factors that generate specific emotions within you, then you can develop strategies on how to connect and attract the positive influencers and remove the negative factors.

This knowledge will then allow you to make more educated career choices, as you will know in advance what type of work will be the right type of work for you.

Putting it all together

We all desire fulfilling work. In fact we deserve it.

The best ways to reach this utopia is to take action and learn. Take time to understand who you are, explore the purpose of your life and reflect consciously on your feelings.

Fulfilment starts and ends with you… decide to become the best version of yourself.

How to create the best personal development plan in the world… Ever

I believe that life is about reaching for your full potential and becoming the best version of you. But to do so, you need to grow and develop… and if you are anything like me, completing a personal development plan is a real pain!

Until now…

This is a short video that shares how to create the best personal development plan ever:

How to stay positive all the time

Have you ever been making good progress towards your goals and all of a sudden something happens that stops you in your tracks?

Or has it ever seemed like everything is going against you?

Yeah? Me too… More often than I would care to admit.

If you are anything like me, you will know that, once it takes hold, negativity likes to linger and grow. If it is not dealt with efficiently it can consume you completely.

The truth is, everybody feels low and negative at some point in their lives. In fact, when you are pushing yourself to be successful, when you are trying to improve yourself… then by definition you will encounter many set-backs and rejections, which will in turn, make you feel negative… if you let it.

Luckily, I have discovered and learnt some great strategies, from personal development experts such as, Tony Robbins, Dr.Wayne Dyre and Brendon Burchard, that have enabled me to bounce back in the quickest and most effective way possible.

I would like to share the strategies that work the best for me, maybe they can work for you?

Acknowledge, understand and forgive.

forgiveWhat I tend to do, when I feel low, is beat myself up for feeling negative! What I can promise you is that two negatives do not make a positive!

Rather than being annoyed with yourself for being negative, try acknowledging that you feel low. Then forgive yourself… after all you are only human.

Being able to say “Yes I feel down. I forgive myself for this and I will now decide to move towards positivity,” is a powerful tool. Give yourself permission to move on.

Focus on your blessings.

When I feel down, it is so easy to just focus continually on the negative feeling.

This only makes things worse! Pro-actively decide to spend some time thinking about what you are grateful for in your life.

I find it particularly powerful to acknowledge the simple things in life. My surroundings, nature, friends, family, health… anything and everything!

Completing this process breaks the flow of negative feelings. It stops them growing. Once you have broken the momentum and growth of negativity, then it is much easier to go back, face it and beat it.

Write down your life goals and what they mean to you.

1325443867_goals-settingThis is my absolute favourite strategy!

I write down my life goals and the feelings I will get from making progress towards these goals. When I have finished, I feel amazing and any negativity has disappeared. 

Most people don’t write down their goals… even less people write down the feelings they will have and what those goals mean to them. Yet it has been scientifically proven, time and time again, that this process triples the likelihood in achieving them. 

It’s invigorating, it creates laser sharp focus and you instantly feel positive and energised towards making your life goals a reality. 

Take some action… any action

"When you fall off the horse, you have to get back on"

This saying is true when it comes to being positive… when you fall off you have to dust yourself off and get back on it.

Momentum is a huge player in how we live our lives. Taking one step forward, will start to turn the tide in how you feel… No matter how small that step is, take it and take it quickly.

Every single success story has the history of more set-backs than you can imagine. The main contributing factor of success is the ability to keep taking action no matter what.

The most successful people in the world continue to take action towards their goals… No matter how many times they are told “you can’t”… No matter how many times they fail… They take action until they succeed.

Taking action will instantly make you feel better and it will get you one step closer to where you want to be.

Putting it all together

It is impossible to be positive all the time… Everybody falls off the wagon at some point. The difference between ultimate success and everyone else, is the ability to bounce back quickly.

When you feel low, acknowledge and forgive yourself. Be thankful for what is good in the world and on how far you have come. Re-focus on the feelings achieving your goals will give you in the long-run and finally… take action! A small step is better than no step at all.

The Three Most Important Lessons In Life That My Children Taught Me.

When you first commence parenthood, you will probably expect to learn a lot, just like I did. 

What I didn’t realise when I became a father was that my children would teach me about how to live a fulfilled and successful life.

My children, who are now 6 and 4 years old, have taught me the most fundamental and critical factors that determine the quality of life.

These factors will absolutely have a dramatic effect on your life, if you choose to follow what I have learnt. This has nothing to do with parenthood and everything to do with how to live a fulfilled life. 

Here is what I have learnt from my children:

1. Don’t care about trying to fit in.

shutterstock_85725160In our society, the idea of not fitting in and being different can be quite terrifying! We are taught throughout our lives that fitting in and compliance are positive attributes. On the most basic level, look a school uniforms, we make unique and special individuals look identical.

 

We do this in our society consistently, slowly removing our individuality and building the concept that being different is bad or negative. After all we know what happens to those that are different… they are laughed at and made fun of.

Young children on the other hand simply do not care – they are absolutely true to themselves in every way possible. They are not bothered if other people see them differently, in fact it doesn’t even enter their minds! They live and embody the person they are with pride and passion.

Here is the kicker: It is IMPOSSIBLE to be truly happy when you compromise who you are. Spending your life trying to ‘fit in’ means that you will never give the world your full potential. We are ALL different, none of us ‘fit in’ to the stereotypes we have created.

You can stand out. You can be exceptional. You are amazing and full of huge potential. Be like a child and let the real you shine like the sun – The world deserves the very best you, You deserve the very best you… Be brave, stand out!

2. Live in the present moment.

“Learning to live in the present moment is part of the path to joy”

Sarah Ban Breathnatch

Children enjoy the magic of now. They see the world with wonder, savouring everything around them.

As adults we tend to spend so much time either worrying and thinking about the past or planning and worrying about the future. So much so that we neglect the beauty and magnificence of right now!

The feeling of being absorbed in the present is wonderful. Children do it all of the time and remembering we have this skill is a fundamental building block of happiness. Read any book on how to be happy and one of the key factors will be about enjoying and being grateful for the present moment.

Here are the facts: You can’t change the past, it has gone. You can’t control the future either, as you will never have complete control of all factors involved.

What you can do is control yourself and the actions you take right now – If you think about it, the present moment is the only real moment you ever have – use it, enjoy it, live it and love it!

This doesn’t mean you should completely ignore the past or the future. Respect and learn from the past and have goals for the future. Just don’t spend all your time there. 

3. Don’t worry about failing.

216Children keep on taking action, they keep on trying until they win. It is as simple as that – Learn to walk? Keep on taking action until they win. Learn to stack building blocks? Keep on taking action until they win.

The concept of failure isn’t even in their minds – they don’t worry about looking silly, they don’t quit or concern themselves with what other people might think. They don’t care if they fall, it is just a part of the process. So they fall, they learn, they take more action…until they win!

Yet in our adult lives the fear of getting something wrong can be terrifying – So rather than take a risk, we will play it safe. We won’t take the action we need to take… instead we will take the action that is easiest to do!

That will, of course, limit us.

It will affect the quality of our lives dramatically. Take your current life as an example – Once upon a time you had a dream (maybe you still do). To achieve that dream you will have to take risks, you will have to fail lots of times and you will have to show real grit and determination to keep on pressing forward until you win.

If you are fearful of failing, then you simply won’t take the action required to win.

However, if you do take the action required everyday… Then you will experience hardship, BUT over time, you will become significantly closer to your dream. 

This is true with ANY goal… Take the required action… everyday… no matter what… and one day you will win!

Children know this. Maybe we should all be more like them?

Be Phenomenal

I believe that life is about reaching for your full potential and becoming the best version of you. You have the power to achieve amazing things, however your choices  determine what you achieve. Choose to be phenomenal!

This is a short video that shares why I know you can reach greatness:

Ego is The Mortal Wound in Your Leadership

We have all, at some point in our lives, had the unfortunate experience of working with a boss who has a big ego. About five years ago I worked on a project with a chief operating officer of a global company and she was totally in love with her ego.

She consistently told me how great she was. I remember the stories now, ranging from her exceptional performance at school, to becoming a ‘big player’ in the business world. According to her, she had done it all… perfectly… every time.

The thing is, she is not the only one… If we are honest, finding a manager or leader with a big ego is not a rare occurrence. In fact you can probably think of a leader in your life who has a massive ego. Or even worse… maybe, just maybe, someone reading this would think of you?

“Our ego hinders our ability to influence more than anything else under our control. Ego is the biggest reason leaders fail.”

Michael McKinney

When a leader’s ego grows to the point were they believe they always have the right answer… a leader will fail.

When a leader’s opinion matters more than their follower’s opinions… a leader will fail.

When a leader stops listening and stop learning… a leader will fail.

When a leader surrounds themselves with people who continually confirm and conform to their will and pander to their self-worth… a leader will fail.

Ego is the mortal wound of leadership. It distracts you from the foundational truth of leadership… The best leaders in the world, bring out the best in other people.

How can we ensure our ego doesn’t get in the way of being a great leader?

Ego isn’t a real thing. It is just an idea. An idea of who we think we are and who we believe we are.

This idea tells us:

“Who I am is what I have.”
“Who I am is what I have done.”
“Who I am is what other people think of me.”
“Who I am is how much stuff I own and how much that stuff is worth.”

An ego, in the simplest of terms, believes that it is separate from everything else and in competition with everything else.

As leaders we need to be aware of our own ego and evolve it, so we become great leaders that serve our followers.

The three levels of ego evolution

Dr. Wayne Dyre, explained that there are three stages of ego evolution in adulthood and I think these have clear links to leadership.

The Athletic.

23119634This is based on “What you look like, is what you are”. It is simply a narcissistic view on life. It is about looking good, rather than doing good.

You will see this in leaders that will attempt to take the credit for other peoples’ ideas and work, in order for them to be seen in a positive light. You will hear these type of leaders continually discredit other people too. This is to make others look bad, in order to elevate their own status.

It is clear that possessing this type of ego will detrimentally effect your leadership. It will erode trust, loyalty, respect and authenticity. All of which, I hope you agree, are critical to leadership.

The Warrior

Guild-Wars-2-WarriorIn my experience, this is the most common version of ego you will find in leaders. This is all about being the best. It is about competing, fighting and being the number one.

In moderation, this can be beneficial to leadership. But when it grows into a self-fulfilling, ever growing and unstoppable ego, then it becomes disastrous.

Believing you are always right and surrounding yourself with only people who say you are right, is frighteningly bad leadership.

Logically, how can any one person be smarter, better and more intelligent than a whole team of people? The simple answer is they can’t. Yet with a warrior ego, a leader won’t listen to others’ opinions. They will lose engagement, value and commitment from their teams.

The Statesman

This evolves from ‘What can I get’ that you find in the first two stages, to a ‘How can I serve?’ focus.

What-is-servant-leadership-ghandi-help-others-1024x576At this stage a leader understands that they are connected to their teams and followers. Their success is the growth and development of their people.

As a servant, a leader will gain: Trust, loyalty, respect, authenticity, engagement, value and commitment from their followers.

They will also instantly tap into the collective mind-power and ideas of the whole team, which the Statesman leader, understands is far greater than their own individual intelligence.

Why does leadership fail?

An Athletic or Warrior ego is the most common reason why leaders fail.

What level of ego evolution do you live and work at?

Are you in it to look good? Are you in it to be the number one, have lots of power and make all the decisions?

Or are you in it to serve those around you? To create the environment for people to flourish and grow?