What to do when you have been let down by someone you trust

I have recently been badly let down…

The person in question was in a situation which was difficult for her, she was highly stressed and appeared to be making herself ill.

So I listened, I supported, I trusted, I guided. I even went above the call of duty and threw myself in the firing line for her.

My action worked – her stressful situation dissipated and, in the moments when I took the heat away, she turned on me – blaming me for it all and informing everyone that would listen, that she was faultless. She quickly distanced myself from her and then she attempted to muscle in on the good work I created for her company!

How would you respond if this was you?

The probability is you will have experienced a similar situation like this in your life. Where someone you trust, fails to reciprocate that trust and lets you down.  When this happens it is understandable that your response would be emotional and negative.

The unfortunate truth is that responding this way rarely helps anyone. Especially you.

The reaction that will serve you best will help you move on and be able to trust again quickly and wholeheartedly. Here is how:

Forgive

“Forgiveness says you are given another chance to make a new beginning.”

Desmond Tutu

Holding resentment inside only hurts one person – you. The last person who needs to be hurt by you is you, so you have to rid yourself of resentment.

Resentment is like drinking poison and hoping your enemy will die. The poison will do nothing to your enemy, but will kill you!

Forgiveness can seem hard… Why should you forgive someone who has hurt you? The reason you should is because forgiveness isn’t just about the antagonist, it’s about allowing yourself to stop hurting… and you deserve that.

Be your best self

20141223140914-give-gift-your-presenceSometimes when we feel we have been let down it is easy to close ourselves off to the world.

Who is this behaviour serving? Nobody, that’s who.

The past is the past. It cannot be changed, you can only learn from it. The one thing that is an absolute certainty in life is that if you want the future to be brighter, you have to bring your best self to the game.

Be bigger, be better and be bolder… be your best self and you will bring the best out of the present and the future.

Expect the best in others

Just because one person has let you down, it doesn’t mean the world is full of evil, untrustworthy people. 99.9% of people have the desire to be nice, kind and helpful individuals. Don’t close down your opportunities to connect deeply with others, just because one person has broken your trust.

If you expect the best from others, your behaviours will adapt accordingly and you will engage with the world in a positive fashion… and guess what? Engaging positively with those around you will, 99.9% of the time, result in positive outcomes!

Surround yourself with positive people

When-you-surround-yourself-with-positive-loving-peopleIt is said that you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. So who do you want to be and who do you want to be surrounded by?

This is a choice – seek out the people who have aspirations and goals like you. The people you admire. The people you can trust.

Don’t get sucked in by people who are self obsessed, negative or selfish… It will drain you. Instead look up at those people who soar… and choose to fly with them.

Putting it all together

The bottom line is that some people will hurt you – NEVER let that stop you being the wonderful and authentic person you are.

Be the best version of you!

GET YOUR FREE PDP THAT WILL HELP YOU BECOME THE BEST VERSION OF YOU – CLICK HERE NOW!!

How Will You Measure Your Life?

When you reach the end of your life, will you be able to look back and say you lived a fulfilled life? A successful life?

Will you know?
What measurement criteria are you using?
Are you measuring yourself by that same criteria everyday?

This video asks all of these questions… and offers some ideas to help you ensure that when you do look back, it is with pride, achievement and joy.

Can you REALLY find fulfilling work?

As the new year begins, we all have the opportunity to reflect on our past, set goals for our futures and maybe dare to dream of a little bit more than just paying the bills…

And in this moment of thoughtfulness, I have to ask: What do you want from your career?

Of course there are predictable answers, such as more money/status/position, but the most common desire is to have fulfilling work. Work that is enjoyable. Work that connects with your values. Work that utilises your skills. Work that contributes in a way that fills you with pride.

Although the idea that work can and should be fulfilling is a relatively new concept, it is now one of the primary expectations of todays workforce.

do-you-know-the-real-value-of-hard-workIt’s not like the old days, were work was so horrid and boring that the only way anyone would do is was to be paid.

No, in todays world we don’t only desire money for our labour, we also desire deep meaning and satisfaction.

The thing is… fulfilment is a big ask – and can probably explain why we all have career meltdowns after being on holiday or reflecting on our lives at new years – we desire fulfilling work.

So how realistic is it? Here are three ideas that might help you find fulfilling work:

1. Being confused about career choice is normal.

Again, it’s not like the old days when you only ever had one or two career choices depending on your social ranking. Today is different. Today there are so many career options open to us it becomes difficult to choose. The fear of making the wrong decision and then being stuck in a job you hate for the rest of eternity can literally stop you in your tracks and stop you from choosing a career path.

Don’t let fear take hold, any choice is better than no choice. It is better to take action and learn, than take no action at all. Even if you are wrong, you will be one step closer to finding out what is right!

2. Know Yourself

“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom”

Aristotle

Answering the question, ‘What is the meaning of my life?’ is easier said than done.

Understanding your deepest values and purpose is an emotional and difficult process. It is, however, tremendously rewarding too. Spending time to learn more about who you are and why you are here will help direct your work life.

In the simplest of terms, a job that is in line with your values and beliefs will be the best and most fulfilling job you have ever had!

3. Reflect, Reflect, Reflect

book_questionmark_600x369The more time you pro-actively think about how you are feeling and why, the more proficient you will become in bringing more positivity into your life.

If you feel bad… reflect and try to understand why that is. The same with feeling good. Once you have a clear understanding of the factors that generate specific emotions within you, then you can develop strategies on how to connect and attract the positive influencers and remove the negative factors.

This knowledge will then allow you to make more educated career choices, as you will know in advance what type of work will be the right type of work for you.

Putting it all together

We all desire fulfilling work. In fact we deserve it.

The best ways to reach this utopia is to take action and learn. Take time to understand who you are, explore the purpose of your life and reflect consciously on your feelings.

Fulfilment starts and ends with you… decide to become the best version of yourself.

Education. Job. Promotion. For What?

From the moment we are born we are sold and told a narrative about life.

This narrative is focused on preparing us for a future. A future of what is a successful life.

This story is told to us by everyone. By well-meaning parents, family and friends… Who themselves have all been influenced by the same things we have.

We are told that happiness is material. That success and fulfilment will be yours just if you have the right amount of money in your bank account…  specific car… a type of house… the lifestyle of a celebrity.

Just look at pretty much any TV advertisement, it will literally tell you that to be happy, cool or sexually attractive, you should purchase their product. Every major marketing campaign in the world attempt to show you that their product will improve the quality of your life and of how you feel.

You already know the problem… happiness, joy and success don’t come from a store

“The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.”

Pablo Picasso

We have taken what a successful life is and twisted and contorted it into about buying things… the more things we buy, the happier we will be… or so the story goes.

Therefore we need to follow the narrative we are told… Work hard at school to get good exam results, so you can get a good job, which you will have to work long hours and very hard for, so that one day you get a promotion or two, so that you have enough money to buy slightly nicer versions of the things you have.

FOR WHAT?

We spend so much of our lives preparing ourselves for “success”, yet success hasn’t even been defined by us!!

Does the narrative we follow create happiness, joy and fulfilment in our lives? Does happiness come from a job or an amount of money? Does it come from buying a new TV or the latest gadget?

Although a new job, a better car or a bit more money is nice… It doesn’t make me happy long-term.

In fact, I can recall a time my annual earnings were ten times LESS than they are right now… I wasn’t unhappy. If I’m totally honest I felt about as happy as I do now.

I believe that the only place we can find happiness and success is in the here and now.

What is the point of working towards what we are told is success, if it won’t actually create any  real fulfilment in your life.

I am not saying that you shouldn’t have goals, they are important. What I am saying is when you are dealing with feelings such as success, happiness and fulfilment, then you shouldn’t hope to find it in a new job, a better car or the latest gadget.

Success is a feeling. You can have that feeling right now, if you choose to.

Rather than chase a narrative that has been sold to you, about how life should be lived; instead ask yourself

“What do I have to do to feel totally and completely fulfilled?”

cropped-7.jpg

Yes we need money, but when your time is up… How will you measure your life?

Will the cash in your bank account or the amount of time you immersed yourself in what you loved mean more?

Be the best version of you – It is the only true goal in life.

How to stay positive all the time

Have you ever been making good progress towards your goals and all of a sudden something happens that stops you in your tracks?

Or has it ever seemed like everything is going against you?

Yeah? Me too… More often than I would care to admit.

If you are anything like me, you will know that, once it takes hold, negativity likes to linger and grow. If it is not dealt with efficiently it can consume you completely.

The truth is, everybody feels low and negative at some point in their lives. In fact, when you are pushing yourself to be successful, when you are trying to improve yourself… then by definition you will encounter many set-backs and rejections, which will in turn, make you feel negative… if you let it.

Luckily, I have discovered and learnt some great strategies, from personal development experts such as, Tony Robbins, Dr.Wayne Dyre and Brendon Burchard, that have enabled me to bounce back in the quickest and most effective way possible.

I would like to share the strategies that work the best for me, maybe they can work for you?

Acknowledge, understand and forgive.

forgiveWhat I tend to do, when I feel low, is beat myself up for feeling negative! What I can promise you is that two negatives do not make a positive!

Rather than being annoyed with yourself for being negative, try acknowledging that you feel low. Then forgive yourself… after all you are only human.

Being able to say “Yes I feel down. I forgive myself for this and I will now decide to move towards positivity,” is a powerful tool. Give yourself permission to move on.

Focus on your blessings.

When I feel down, it is so easy to just focus continually on the negative feeling.

This only makes things worse! Pro-actively decide to spend some time thinking about what you are grateful for in your life.

I find it particularly powerful to acknowledge the simple things in life. My surroundings, nature, friends, family, health… anything and everything!

Completing this process breaks the flow of negative feelings. It stops them growing. Once you have broken the momentum and growth of negativity, then it is much easier to go back, face it and beat it.

Write down your life goals and what they mean to you.

1325443867_goals-settingThis is my absolute favourite strategy!

I write down my life goals and the feelings I will get from making progress towards these goals. When I have finished, I feel amazing and any negativity has disappeared. 

Most people don’t write down their goals… even less people write down the feelings they will have and what those goals mean to them. Yet it has been scientifically proven, time and time again, that this process triples the likelihood in achieving them. 

It’s invigorating, it creates laser sharp focus and you instantly feel positive and energised towards making your life goals a reality. 

Take some action… any action

"When you fall off the horse, you have to get back on"

This saying is true when it comes to being positive… when you fall off you have to dust yourself off and get back on it.

Momentum is a huge player in how we live our lives. Taking one step forward, will start to turn the tide in how you feel… No matter how small that step is, take it and take it quickly.

Every single success story has the history of more set-backs than you can imagine. The main contributing factor of success is the ability to keep taking action no matter what.

The most successful people in the world continue to take action towards their goals… No matter how many times they are told “you can’t”… No matter how many times they fail… They take action until they succeed.

Taking action will instantly make you feel better and it will get you one step closer to where you want to be.

Putting it all together

It is impossible to be positive all the time… Everybody falls off the wagon at some point. The difference between ultimate success and everyone else, is the ability to bounce back quickly.

When you feel low, acknowledge and forgive yourself. Be thankful for what is good in the world and on how far you have come. Re-focus on the feelings achieving your goals will give you in the long-run and finally… take action! A small step is better than no step at all.

Winners quit fast, quit often and quit without guilt

Is quitting ever the right thing to do?

I hate to say it, but sometimes the answer is ‘yes’.

If you a regular reader of these posts, you will know I consistently preach that we shouldn’t quit… In the recipe for success, taking action everyday, is the most common ingredient. If any of us are going to be successful, then the reality is we have take action towards our goals.

So how does quitting fit in to the recipe of success?

What if you are trapped in a situation that is restricting your progress, limiting your potential or suffocating your dreams.

Is it right to stay and fight in that situation?

Well if your current struggle is a part of the journey towards your personal goals, then YES you should stick it out and keep on taking action to keep on getting better.

Have an honest look at the bigger picture of your life. Is your current reality is just a bump in the road or is it a dead end?

Ask yourself:

‘Have I changed and adapted myself to maximise this current situation?’
‘Have I tried everything? What else could I try?’

If you haven’t changed your approach and your mindset, then you shouldn’t quit! If you want to change ANYTHING in your life, start with yourself first!

However there are those times you should quit.

Ask yourself:

Does my current reality (job, life style, relationships or friends) have a fundamentally negative impact on my life goals?
Have I changed myself in that situation, to try and improve it?

If you have a negative impact in your life, that you cant change by adapting your mindset… then quit… now.

Life is far to short to spend it being miserable.

mood-girl-dress-color-hands-smile-summer-umbrella-umbrella-happiness-freedom-freedom-openness-warmth-plants-nature-field-sun-sky-clouds-background-freedomIf you cannot chase your goals, if you cannot become the best version of you, if you are trapped and being restricted then you have to to something about it.

Think about it, at the end of your life will you regret chasing your goals or would you regret not trying?

The honest truth is, if your situation is suffocating your potential, then you can quit and you will find a better environment.

If you go to work hating every second, without any hope of improvement… Quit… Find another job! The longer you stay, the less confidence and self worth you will have. That is no way to spend your working life!

The same goes for relationships in your life… If there is a relationship that is hurting you, which is having a negative impact on how you live… then quit.. You don’t have to stay in a relationship that hurts!

You can quit and become happy, successful and fulfilled.

Don’t live a trapped life. Live your life to the fullest.

Become the best version of you.

The Three Most Important Lessons In Life That My Children Taught Me.

When you first commence parenthood, you will probably expect to learn a lot, just like I did. 

What I didn’t realise when I became a father was that my children would teach me about how to live a fulfilled and successful life.

My children, who are now 6 and 4 years old, have taught me the most fundamental and critical factors that determine the quality of life.

These factors will absolutely have a dramatic effect on your life, if you choose to follow what I have learnt. This has nothing to do with parenthood and everything to do with how to live a fulfilled life. 

Here is what I have learnt from my children:

1. Don’t care about trying to fit in.

shutterstock_85725160In our society, the idea of not fitting in and being different can be quite terrifying! We are taught throughout our lives that fitting in and compliance are positive attributes. On the most basic level, look a school uniforms, we make unique and special individuals look identical.

 

We do this in our society consistently, slowly removing our individuality and building the concept that being different is bad or negative. After all we know what happens to those that are different… they are laughed at and made fun of.

Young children on the other hand simply do not care – they are absolutely true to themselves in every way possible. They are not bothered if other people see them differently, in fact it doesn’t even enter their minds! They live and embody the person they are with pride and passion.

Here is the kicker: It is IMPOSSIBLE to be truly happy when you compromise who you are. Spending your life trying to ‘fit in’ means that you will never give the world your full potential. We are ALL different, none of us ‘fit in’ to the stereotypes we have created.

You can stand out. You can be exceptional. You are amazing and full of huge potential. Be like a child and let the real you shine like the sun – The world deserves the very best you, You deserve the very best you… Be brave, stand out!

2. Live in the present moment.

“Learning to live in the present moment is part of the path to joy”

Sarah Ban Breathnatch

Children enjoy the magic of now. They see the world with wonder, savouring everything around them.

As adults we tend to spend so much time either worrying and thinking about the past or planning and worrying about the future. So much so that we neglect the beauty and magnificence of right now!

The feeling of being absorbed in the present is wonderful. Children do it all of the time and remembering we have this skill is a fundamental building block of happiness. Read any book on how to be happy and one of the key factors will be about enjoying and being grateful for the present moment.

Here are the facts: You can’t change the past, it has gone. You can’t control the future either, as you will never have complete control of all factors involved.

What you can do is control yourself and the actions you take right now – If you think about it, the present moment is the only real moment you ever have – use it, enjoy it, live it and love it!

This doesn’t mean you should completely ignore the past or the future. Respect and learn from the past and have goals for the future. Just don’t spend all your time there. 

3. Don’t worry about failing.

216Children keep on taking action, they keep on trying until they win. It is as simple as that – Learn to walk? Keep on taking action until they win. Learn to stack building blocks? Keep on taking action until they win.

The concept of failure isn’t even in their minds – they don’t worry about looking silly, they don’t quit or concern themselves with what other people might think. They don’t care if they fall, it is just a part of the process. So they fall, they learn, they take more action…until they win!

Yet in our adult lives the fear of getting something wrong can be terrifying – So rather than take a risk, we will play it safe. We won’t take the action we need to take… instead we will take the action that is easiest to do!

That will, of course, limit us.

It will affect the quality of our lives dramatically. Take your current life as an example – Once upon a time you had a dream (maybe you still do). To achieve that dream you will have to take risks, you will have to fail lots of times and you will have to show real grit and determination to keep on pressing forward until you win.

If you are fearful of failing, then you simply won’t take the action required to win.

However, if you do take the action required everyday… Then you will experience hardship, BUT over time, you will become significantly closer to your dream. 

This is true with ANY goal… Take the required action… everyday… no matter what… and one day you will win!

Children know this. Maybe we should all be more like them?

Be Phenomenal

I believe that life is about reaching for your full potential and becoming the best version of you. You have the power to achieve amazing things, however your choices  determine what you achieve. Choose to be phenomenal!

This is a short video that shares why I know you can reach greatness: