I have recently been badly let down…
The person in question was in a situation which was difficult for her, she was highly stressed and appeared to be making herself ill.
So I listened, I supported, I trusted, I guided. I even went above the call of duty and threw myself in the firing line for her.
My action worked – her stressful situation dissipated and, in the moments when I took the heat away, she turned on me – blaming me for it all and informing everyone that would listen, that she was faultless. She quickly distanced myself from her and then she attempted to muscle in on the good work I created for her company!
How would you respond if this was you?
The probability is you will have experienced a similar situation like this in your life. Where someone you trust, fails to reciprocate that trust and lets you down. When this happens it is understandable that your response would be emotional and negative.
The unfortunate truth is that responding this way rarely helps anyone. Especially you.
The reaction that will serve you best will help you move on and be able to trust again quickly and wholeheartedly. Here is how:
Forgive
“Forgiveness says you are given another chance to make a new beginning.”
Desmond Tutu
Holding resentment inside only hurts one person – you. The last person who needs to be hurt by you is you, so you have to rid yourself of resentment.
Resentment is like drinking poison and hoping your enemy will die. The poison will do nothing to your enemy, but will kill you!
Forgiveness can seem hard… Why should you forgive someone who has hurt you? The reason you should is because forgiveness isn’t just about the antagonist, it’s about allowing yourself to stop hurting… and you deserve that.
Be your best self
Sometimes when we feel we have been let down it is easy to close ourselves off to the world.
Who is this behaviour serving? Nobody, that’s who.
The past is the past. It cannot be changed, you can only learn from it. The one thing that is an absolute certainty in life is that if you want the future to be brighter, you have to bring your best self to the game.
Be bigger, be better and be bolder… be your best self and you will bring the best out of the present and the future.
Expect the best in others
Just because one person has let you down, it doesn’t mean the world is full of evil, untrustworthy people. 99.9% of people have the desire to be nice, kind and helpful individuals. Don’t close down your opportunities to connect deeply with others, just because one person has broken your trust.
If you expect the best from others, your behaviours will adapt accordingly and you will engage with the world in a positive fashion… and guess what? Engaging positively with those around you will, 99.9% of the time, result in positive outcomes!
Surround yourself with positive people
It is said that you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. So who do you want to be and who do you want to be surrounded by?
This is a choice – seek out the people who have aspirations and goals like you. The people you admire. The people you can trust.
Don’t get sucked in by people who are self obsessed, negative or selfish… It will drain you. Instead look up at those people who soar… and choose to fly with them.
Putting it all together
The bottom line is that some people will hurt you – NEVER let that stop you being the wonderful and authentic person you are.
Be the best version of you!
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Tagged: building trust, Confidence, depression, difficult people, difficult relationships, Happiness, motivation, personal development, purpose, relationships, respect, self development, trust, vulnerability, worry
The biggest hurdle in forgiveness (for me) is my desire for mutual understanding of the truth. I finally discovered it easier to offer no defense at all – to accept what is. The faster I see it as their issue to resolve, the less I am robbed of my own joy. Thanks for the post. in lak’ech, Debra
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This is so true Dax. Forgiveness may feel like a gift that we give someone else but it is really the best gift that we can give ourselves. It sets us free from the resentments and bitterness that could poison us so we are able to move on to brand new beginnings. Thanks for the reminder. Corinne at actmadelyrical.com
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Corinne .. you are SO right!!!
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Love this.
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Thank you itjustdawnedonmeagain
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I feel your pain.
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Hi Dax,
The bottom line is people will hurt us. And it’s not what they do are say that hurts us the most, it’s our response.
Resentment, anger, withdrawal, revenge and the list goes on and on.
When we react to every situation negative what we’re really doing is giving people or our circumstances power over us.
What helps me the most is having healthy expectations and practicing acceptance.
Great post!
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Love you thoughts on this Vernon… thank you!
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Felt sorry for you. But I agree with this post, utterly. I think forgiveness is the best way. And another point I liked is Always surround yourself with positive people. You’ve got a great blog. Keep posting!
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Thank you NIKESH
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You’re welcome sir
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This is a great post, and such a helpful reminder! We all have moments like this – whether it’s a deliberate act or a misunderstanding – it doesn’t matter, and feels just as bad. The forgiveness part is so important – but easier when you expect the best from others. I try and go one further – I like to assume the best. That it was a genuine mistake. It makes forgiveness so much easier!!
Thanks for writing this one!
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Thank you for your kind words & insightful observations! Assuming the best is such a powerful way to live our lives… Thank you
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