How vulnerability isn’t vulnerable

Common perception would be vulnerability is weak… especially if you’re a leader… Isn’t it fascinating then that the complete opposite is true?

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Vulnerability gives you deeper connections, vulnerability gives you strength, it gives you power and it gives those around you permission to be vulnerable too… Therefore sharing the magic… more connections, more strength and more power.

Just close your eyes and imagine for a second… A world where your team follows you, in the good times and the bad because they WANT to… because they share a connection to you that is deeper than any job title in a company, deeper than loyalty to a brand name… Imagine what you and your team can achieve, if you all worked together, for each other, at your absolute peak…

In leadership and in life the defining factor is human connection – it is vital to our lives, it is critical if you are a leader… so why all the smoke and mirrors about vulnerability being weak?
We all need connection, its vital… and showing vulnerability allows deeper connections… so, the questions are:

“if we think vulnerability is weak, do we believe we are worthy of deeper connection?”

OR

“if we think vulnerability is weak, do we believe leaders have to be perfect?”

We rarely talk about this, yet most of us will question if we are worthy enough… if we are good enough… promoted enough… loved enough… healthy enough… funny enough… and so on

So by saying vulnerability is weak, is a way of saying “showing the real us might not be worthy of connection, so we wont”?

This is absolutely crazy!!! How can we correct this backwards way of thinking?

Lets look at the people who do show vulnerability… what do they have?

Well for starters they believe they are worthy of connection and because of this they have the courage to tell their story. The courage to be imperfect.

They show compassion… to themselves first! They are not too hard on themselves, they are kind to themselves (sounds ridiculous to be the opposite? Are you kind to yourself or do you beat yourself up?) and they are of course compassionate with those around them.

They value connection greatly and will therefore be authentic with everyone – rather than being one person at home, one person at work and one person when on their own – that is just too much hard work!

In very simple terms they deal with the feelings of showing vulnerability:

FEELS – Fear, Shame, Scary

Because they NEED what it gives:

GIVES – Joy, Belonging, Love

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But its not that simple is it? Most people will not be prepared to feel fear, shame or do something scary… So most people will struggle with vulnerability…

Show it and you risk getting turned down, rejected or pushed away.
Don’t show it and lose real connection, lose joy or lose belonging.

In leadership, show it and risk being seen as weak or incapable.
Dont show it and lose real followers, who will help you change the world.

The bottom line is we live in a vulnerable world and we are all vulnerable in our own unique, beautiful way. Yet most people will choose not to show it… most will choose not to be authentic… and most people will therefore feel a gap… a sense that something is missing… that deeper connection with the world is missing.

That creates a problem… if you have a gap in your life it has to be filled with something… something that will block the feeling that you are missing. You know the stuff I’m talking about: drink, drugs, excessive eating, blaming others, making excuses and assumptions… the list goes on!

The problem with doing this is it is not possible to block one feeling… by filling the gap we block vulnerability, but we also block things like love, happiness and joy… that’s a rough deal!

There is another way… and you already know it…

Let yourself be seen as you are – imperfect and worthy of deep connection

To love and give to those around you with all of our hearts, without any fear of its acceptance

To live with gratitude and joy… and believe you are worthy!

Images courtesy of at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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